Real Talk //Extremes

Last night I went to bed later then I should have. It was somewhere around 2-3am, and I knew getting up for church was going to be rough. When Violet started crying from her crib and Cristian went to go get her I had a feeling it was later then 9am. It was. And Violet had peed her pants. The last week she's been pooping and peeing in her pants and I just don't get it. She's been perfectly potty trained for well over 8 months and all of sudden has decided to stop telling when she needs to go, or telling me after she's done her business that she needs to go. It's so frustrating. Several times it's happened out at my parents house while I work when I have no extra clothing for her to wear. She peed herself while out Christmas shopping with Cristian last night. It happened while I was getting supplies from Hobby Lobby for a craft. She doesn't say anything, she does it, and then starts crying and saying how "very sorry mama" she is.

I'm trying hard not to get upset with her and am doing my best to understand but I just don't. And we can't be going through 8 pairs of panties a day because we only get the washer and dryer every other day.

I went out to the kitchen a little while later to see her eating a bowl of ramen noodles for breakfast. That annoyed me. We have fruit, yogurt, fixings to make a healthy smoothie, the stuff to make waffles, pancakes,oatmeal, or just some delicious eggs and here she is forking her way through undercooked and over seasoned ramen noodles. I looked at the sink and saw basically all our dishes piled high as the sky, realized that was probably why something else hadn't been made for her and had to just walk away before crying or cursing.

I took a shower, just to be alone for a minute ya know? But that didn't happen. And the shower was cut short because there wasn't much hot water, and I don't know why. After getting dressed (back into pajamas) Violet came into bed and said she wanted to play "Space Rockets". I said okay, and as she started to assemble our rockets (aka pillows) my mood lifted considerably.
We went a lot of places on our space rockets. We landed on a star and caught "space birds" that were pink. I met her friend "Su" who was living on the moon. We sped through the sky and landed on a tree where Violet caught squirrels and an owl. We took "space naps" and experienced lots of turbulence during take offs and landings and we even visited a cupcake planet! The girls imagination is a beautiful thing to be a part of and that hour and a half of playing around in bed and hiding from aliens under the coves was over entirely too soon. The thought of expanding our family soon makes me so excited in these moments. Two little darlings to play and create with.

I felt like eating breakfast. And you know what I had? Undercooked, over seasoned ramen noodles, and I felt like a failure again. It then went down on this rollercoaster ride of a morning when not even half way through my crappy breakfast Violet decided to tell me she needed to go potty. Go figure. While sitting and waiting for her to finish her business, my disgusting ramen noodles getting colder and colder I started thinking about all the times I had sat down to eat a meal only to be up attending to someone's needs a few moments later. Potty breaks. Water please. I mean my list is huge and for some reason I just broke down again. The thought of expanding our family soon makes me scared and overwhelmed in these moments. Two? How could I possible handle two??

One extreme to the next.

I mean sometimes I just want to eat a meal in peace with no interruptions, even if it is a cruddy bowl of noodles. The demands of being a wife and mother have just gotten to me. Cristian sensed I needed a break and took Violet out to her grandmothers, but as soon as they left I started crying again because I had so much fun with her this morning up in space and that little girl is just the most beautiful creature in the world to me.

I'm blaming all these feelings on PMS, but seriously......everyone has gone through something like this right? I'm exhausted. I just want to feel some Christmas spirit.

Snippets// What Winter Looks Like



Green trees.  Fox jacket.

She looks so serious. I think she felt she was in trouble but the truth is, I just laughed and laughed when I saw this. Highlighter everywhere. This happened about 12 days ago, and I have yet to get all of the marker out from the creases in her belly button. 

A crisp breezy day at the park.

A pretty view from a walk to and from the temple. If given a choice I would probably choose to live in one of those Victorian style houses along The Boulevard. The sweeping views are gorgeous, and of course, the temple.

My dad has an international student who frequently goes fishing out at the trout farm. His wife then seasons and bakes the fish with amazing veggies and citrus. Also really great bread. The fish are ginormous, and delicious, and basically I should learn how to make this because it would make my husband extremely happy.

My mama taught me how to make and bake bread a few weeks ago. Simple whole wheat bread. I'm not sure why it took me so long to join this club, probably because anything with yeast kinda freaks me out for some reason, but it was very easy and impressively delicious. Obviously grades above store bought, which I've decided we won't be buying anymore. It's just too easy and cheap to bake our own. Having this bread with honey butter is seriously like dessert. It's a new favorite over here.



Violet makes sure everyone is ready for the day. Even her piggy bank. Pigs in socks.

The other day we were at Adam's Park, and for some reason there were tons of planes which kept flying overhead. Violet LOVES planes. Seriously. It was hilarious to watch her running around, hands in the air, trying to "catch" the jets. Such a fun afternoon.

She is on a whole different level in this moment. Whatever is going on in that innocent mind is "stellar duuude".

These last few days have been a little rough. Just mom things. My Friday night this weekend was spent digging out and cleaning dog poop off of my 2 years olds shoes. It wasn't really that big of a deal but I'd had this image in my head of a hot bubble bath, candles, chocolate, and egg rolls-none of which happened, and Saturday for some reason I was so depressed I literally couldn't even put my own shoes and socks on. I'm blaming the weather on this one, or sugar withdrawals-one of the two. I wish I was joking when I said Cristian came home for lunch and found me lying on the floor with a black cloud over my head. And yeah, he's the one you put my socks and shoes on and managed to get me out the door. So glad he's supportive and encouraging, I worry so much and tend to get down about how I'm doing as a mom and wife I kind of forget to do things for myself that take me out of those roles for a minute. Sometimes you just need to remember to take a break. Christmas is coming up and has been something really nice to look forward to. And later tonight we are making our "Try It" list for 2015! There's so much good going on, and looking through these pictures really helps my perspective.
Love to you, and yours!

Lunch Edition/ Asian Noodles

A Few Endearing Moments

The other day Cristian and Violet came with me shopping for a coat. I picked out a few selections while Violet ran around in between all the racks of clothes playing hide and seek with Cristian and then, when I was done browsing, I brought her into the dressing room with me. I started trying on coats and Violet started telling me things like "Mom, you look perfect!", "SOOO pretttty mommy!" and "You're a princess Mama!". When I went out to show Cristian how the coats looked she rushed in front of me and yelled to Cristian "Daddy, there's something amazing coming!"

I melted. I wasn't having a bad day or anything but hearing those things from my innocent little babe just made my heart swell and burst. I may not be perfect, and I hardly ever FEEL perfect or like a princess but to my 2 year old, that's exactly what I am. It's a comfort. And I'm going to hang onto that for as long as possible because one day she will realize just how imperfect I am.

It was a tender experience for me.

Another story.
The other day I was out at my mom's house learning how to make and bake bread. Violet has learned to open the door out onto the driveway and a few weeks ago while Cristian and I went on a date, my family lost her out the front door with the dogs. When they realized she was missing they thankfully found her half way up the street in the middle of the road trying to find the dogs. Ugh. So glad nothing happened to my precious girl. Anyway, while doing the bread I thought I'd lost her and she was out the front door again (need to learn to lock the deadbolt when we go over there from now on).I started calling for her "Violet? Violet! Where are you Violet?!". A few moments later I hear Talisa laughing and Violet comes down the stairs with her. Violet had been up in the vanity area with Talisa who was fixing her hair. Violet told Talisa "I gotta go, babe is calling me?". Talisa didn't understand and asked her a couple more times who was calling. Violet said "I gotta goo! Babe is calling me!". It clicked. And next thing you know Violet is walking down the stairs calling "Coming babe!".

If you haven't guessed yet, Cristian and I refer to each other as "babe" on a consistent basis. This was just hilarious. She says things like "Morning babe!", "But why babe?", and "I'd like some cheese babe" pretty regularly. It's hilarious.

Oh dear, she has such a funny little personality and her vocabulary has just gone off the charts the last few weeks. It's so much fun to ask her how she's doing, or how her day was and get an actual response.

We walked to church this morning and she kept saying "Mama, we gotta go to nursery so I can play the guitarrrrrrr!"


Ugh. Love the little twerp!