Last night I went to bed later then I should have. It was somewhere around 2-3am, and I knew getting up for church was going to be rough. When Violet started crying from her crib and Cristian went to go get her I had a feeling it was later then 9am. It was. And Violet had peed her pants. The last week she's been pooping and peeing in her pants and I just don't get it. She's been perfectly potty trained for well over 8 months and all of sudden has decided to stop telling when she needs to go, or telling me after she's done her business that she needs to go. It's so frustrating. Several times it's happened out at my parents house while I work when I have no extra clothing for her to wear. She peed herself while out Christmas shopping with Cristian last night. It happened while I was getting supplies from Hobby Lobby for a craft. She doesn't say anything, she does it, and then starts crying and saying how "very sorry mama" she is.
I'm trying hard not to get upset with her and am doing my best to understand but I just don't. And we can't be going through 8 pairs of panties a day because we only get the washer and dryer every other day.
I went out to the kitchen a little while later to see her eating a bowl of ramen noodles for breakfast. That annoyed me. We have fruit, yogurt, fixings to make a healthy smoothie, the stuff to make waffles, pancakes,oatmeal, or just some delicious eggs and here she is forking her way through undercooked and over seasoned ramen noodles. I looked at the sink and saw basically all our dishes piled high as the sky, realized that was probably why something else hadn't been made for her and had to just walk away before crying or cursing.
I took a shower, just to be alone for a minute ya know? But that didn't happen. And the shower was cut short because there wasn't much hot water, and I don't know why. After getting dressed (back into pajamas) Violet came into bed and said she wanted to play "Space Rockets". I said okay, and as she started to assemble our rockets (aka pillows) my mood lifted considerably.
We went a lot of places on our space rockets. We landed on a star and caught "space birds" that were pink. I met her friend "Su" who was living on the moon. We sped through the sky and landed on a tree where Violet caught squirrels and an owl. We took "space naps" and experienced lots of turbulence during take offs and landings and we even visited a cupcake planet! The girls imagination is a beautiful thing to be a part of and that hour and a half of playing around in bed and hiding from aliens under the coves was over entirely too soon. The thought of expanding our family soon makes me so excited in these moments. Two little darlings to play and create with.
I felt like eating breakfast. And you know what I had? Undercooked, over seasoned ramen noodles, and I felt like a failure again. It then went down on this rollercoaster ride of a morning when not even half way through my crappy breakfast Violet decided to tell me she needed to go potty. Go figure. While sitting and waiting for her to finish her business, my disgusting ramen noodles getting colder and colder I started thinking about all the times I had sat down to eat a meal only to be up attending to someone's needs a few moments later. Potty breaks. Water please. I mean my list is huge and for some reason I just broke down again. The thought of expanding our family soon makes me scared and overwhelmed in these moments. Two? How could I possible handle two??
One extreme to the next.
I mean sometimes I just want to eat a meal in peace with no interruptions, even if it is a cruddy bowl of noodles. The demands of being a wife and mother have just gotten to me. Cristian sensed I needed a break and took Violet out to her grandmothers, but as soon as they left I started crying again because I had so much fun with her this morning up in space and that little girl is just the most beautiful creature in the world to me.
I'm blaming all these feelings on PMS, but seriously......everyone has gone through something like this right? I'm exhausted. I just want to feel some Christmas spirit.
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