I wish things were quieter and softer and less often.
The last few weeks I've just been feeling completely overwhelmed. There's a lot of things. It actually got to a point where I went to see my doctor about increasing my dosage of anti-depressants and to get a few blood tests done to check my vitamin D and thyroid. She did, but 4 days into them (the anti-depressants) I started to feel tired, but hyped up and just weird. I called in and they said it takes about a week for it to really kick in so that was a relief. Also found out my thyroid is fine, but my vitamin D was extremely low. This made NO sense to me because we are outside most of the day, every day. I explained this but she said if you have darker skin it's harder for your body to absorb vitamin D. Anyway, I was recommended a supplement. Also both my mom and Cristian noticed some freckles on my face that had appeared, some that had gotten bigger, and some that had gotten darker which is a sign of melanoma (skin cancer). I also had a mole appear on my stomach a few months ago out of nowhere.
I've put off getting some of these things checked out (the mole in particular) because we don't currently have health insurance. It's hard when you can't afford to get health insurance, but also can't afford to NOT have it. We're in limbo, limbo, limbo just trying to figure out what we can change so we can somehow afford it.
Adult-ing is hard.
That being said, take care of yourselves you guys. If something about your health is concerning you, have it checked out. If your mental health is suffering, see a doctor. These doctors appointments are really adding up as far as money, but my mental health is on the upswing, the vitamin D supplement has been giving me more energy, and I go in for a small biopsy this coming Tuesday to have that mole removed to test for cancer cells. Your health is important, and I don't know how we're going to pay for all of these things, but quality of life is more important to me and my family then money. Money will always be a stress. It's always going to be a thing. It's never going away, but if you can improve a degrading quality of life, TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR HEALTH.
Ugh. Everything has just felt so loud, and harsh, and all the time and I just want to lay down, in the dark and quiet, and just be. I've taken myself off FB. Yes, I posted this on FB but you can do that without actually being ON FB. The recent marriage equality ruling caused a lot of....opinions on my feed. And when I say opinions I mean some serious disrespect from people on both sides of the issues. Unwarranted name calling and generalizing. True colors were shown, and I wish I wasn't so disappointed by the way people behaved. It made me sad and started to really stress me out. For now, I'm done with FB and I hope if I go back, there will be a little more love, respect, and positivity from FB world.
Violet is so 3 these days. Everything must be done and said with the volume on full, she is more full of energy now then she ever has been and is overflowing with personality. At times, it's just SO much to handle. She is..... so much, because there is so much a 3 year old is curious about. I'm not sentencing well, it's hard to describe the muchness that is Violet. It's everywhere man, she is everywhere, and everything, all the time. From the minute she wakes up, to the second she goes to bed there's so much. I want to WANT to have a 2nd child but I just don't feel that way as often as I should to make it be a serious possibility. November is creeping up so fast, and I'm just not feeling ready to be pregnant again.
Maybe we just need to finally get ourselves a dog, as terrible as that may sound to some of you.
Cristian is putting up with all of this graciously btw, and I'm so grateful for his unwavering support, and friendship. He's my rock, the person I can count on all the time at my best, and importantly, my worst. I'm weird, and stressed, and not enjoying motherhood 100% right now, but he's constantly loving me regardless and supporting and filling in the spaces as I find myself less able to fill them the last few weeks. Have you ever felt like you just don't want to do anything with life, for the rest of your life? That's what I've been feeling.
Bills? I'm so done with that crap.
Routine? Step off.
The daily demands of being a mom and wife? Bite me.
Basic hygiene? Get. Out. Of. My. Face. Dude.
This is what it's come down to tonight.
I'm done with this valley, this state, this routine. THIS. I am done with it.
We leave for Colorado in several weeks, and I hope we like it so much we can't stand to be anywhere else, that Cristian can get a transfer, and that we can be SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!
Cross your fingers people, and your toes.
Woah, that turned out a little more intense and dramatic then I expected.
*disclaimer*
This post is not a totally accurate picture of life at the Navas home. We're actually pretty okay, just adult-ing, which can be stressssssssssful
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