Right now I'm nestled in bed with Violet. She's asleep, worn out from playing in the snow earlier with her dad, constructing snowman, chasing dogs around, mini snowball fights-that sort of thing. The humidifier is on, engulfing the room in eucalyptus because this mama is sick, going on 10 days. Headache, cough, congestion, sneezing, and overall a feeling of weakness. This last month has been an adjustment, and one I'm afraid my body is just not used to.
My parents moved to California. My dad took up a teaching/researching position at a University there for 6 months, my mom went along because of course she did! When deciding how they were going to do this, inevitably my little brother was the main source of concern. For those of you reading who may not know, my brother is physically and mentally disabled. He was born with about 1/3 of his brain, many months FAR too early and has severe limitations. He requires around the clock care any 2 year old would need, but also needs regular bouts of medication, someone with knowledge about how to use a g-tube (feeding tube directly into his stomach) to feed and medicate him, entertainment, and if I'm honest, people strong enough to lift and carry him when the elevators and lifts are not working in the house.
I knew we would take over care of Isaac even before the question left my parents mouths. I'm not sure why, but I KNEW it was what we were going to do. We told them we would discuss it but there wasn't any REAL question in my mind we wouldn't take part guardianship of him while they left to take this opportunity in California. And of course we did. We also took on the responsibility of 3 dogs, 2 birds, and occasionally, a bearded dragon.
They left around the beginning of January, right over the Christmas holidays. Which meant BESIDES everything which usually goes on during the holidays we had to clean out their house (so our things would fit, but also because the house in general needed a basic de-junking), I also had to box up my house with an active and somewhat mouthy 3 year old, move it in our little Nissan, basically on my own since ya know, Cristian holds a job, and try and have things set up so it was a somewhat comfortable transition for all of us.
It wasn't a comfortable transition. I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.
The day before my parents moved, my younger sister was watching Isaac while my parents, myself and Violet attended church. We came home and discovered he had a large amount of fluid built up in his elbow which was obviously uncomfortable for him to be on. (He has 1 good arm to scoot around on, which is how he navigates through the house). A quick trip to the emergency room revealed burtitis. I still don't really know what that is, but in my mind I equate it with tendonitis.
This has meant having fluid drained, ibuprofen, and lots of wrapping to try and get the rest of the fluid to absorb back into his body. (A month later, and there has been no visible improvement).
During this, with all the wrapping and unwrapping, and compression sleeves, and at one point a handmade prosthetic he developed a pressure wound in his elbow pit. An open sore, black around the edges, inflamed, painful, and at risk of causing infection to his whole arm. Isaac does not heal well, so weekly we take him to wound care specialists who are doing everything they can to get this thing to go away. They also want us to keep him off it which isn't even a possibility because the wheelchair he has now is not fit for his body and keeping him in that chair would ultimately cause more pressure wounds on different parts of his body.
About a week into this transition he bit me while I was lifting him out of his chair. He tore 2 chucks of flesh out of my breast which did not heal easily and had to be monitored carefully because human bite marks are very likely to give you an infection.
A week after this happened I had a severe allergic reaction to Violet's detangler which I ultimately had to go to the doctor for and get a prescription because my entire face was red, scaly, itchy and disgusting, and the last part of this month I've been sick.
Violet has not had an easy time either. She misses her grandparents, she was punched in the face at school, she's struggling because she no longer has my full attention through out the day, she is overly aggressive with the animals in this house, she isn't sleeping well or in her room (we continually find her sleeping downstairs on the couch), she is acting out, and is peeing her bed almost every night though she's been potty trained for years.
Cristian has had to get up 1 hour earlier to give Isaac his 5/6 o'clock meds before heading to the gym, had to deal with a hysterical crying wife on more then just a few occasions, taken on a huge load of physical labor to help me with my little brother, and still has his regular job that he works so hard at.
I can't believe we volunteered for this.
It's been hard.
It's been chaotic.
It's been humbling.
And honestly I don't know how we're doing it.
I don't know how I am doing it.
Except with help from the Heavenly Father I believe in.
Throughout all the trails and hard things we've been confronted with this first month I have been constantly amazed by the amount of love and support I have been shown by neighbors, friends, my own siblings, and the 2 most important people in my life, Cristian and Violet.
There's a neighbor up the street who has plowed our walk ways and driveway EVERY single time it has snowed. Another friend set up a play date schedule for Violet so on Wednesdays I have 2 full hours to myself without Violet and without Isaac, and Violet gets to have some much needed fun with friends, my younger sister comes and watches Isaac on Sundays so I can go with my daughter to church, and another sister watches Violet every Wednesday morning so I can make it to the gym FOR SURE at least once a week. My best friend has let me watch her daughter (who is close to Violets age) every Monday, which may seem like another "extra" to add to the load of what I have going on but as much as it help her, it helps me because Violet is about a billion times easier to handle when she has someone to play with that isn't her mom, and on top of all this Cristian has on more then one occasion dropped everything (even work) to come and help me when I truly need it.
I've learned so much through this experience already.
I can do hard things. Anyone can do hard things with the right support system.
I'm more capable then I give myself credit for, but I also need to ask for help sometimes and that isn't something to feel ashamed of. Sometimes it takes strength to admit you can't do it all.
My husband, oh gosh I am so glad we found each other. I can't believe how much he has stepped up and really been my partner through this so far. Our relationship is being strengthened through this new chapter in our lives.
My relationships with my siblings is getting so much better, and I love them all so much, and appreciate everything they do, especially for my spitfire child.
Though it's been one of the most challenging things I've taken on, I'm looking forward to learning more and making this experience one we can look back on and be proud we worked through together as a family.
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