This time last year Violet was only 10 hours old and I was having a hysterical break down because of... hormones. It's fun being a mom, but this last year has been the toughest of my life. It's also been one year of more learning then I ever thought possible.
I'm going to be saying this over and over again, but I can't believe it's been a year. And then when she's 2 I won't be able to believe that either. She's amazing. She's running around now, loving books and reading, and has finally grown into her stuffed animals and blocks. Loves being outside in the sunshine picking up rocks and playing with the puppies. We starting going to a Book Babies group last Tuesday, and will for the rest of the time the program goes and it was so much fun. The instructor had all these fun songs to sing, and props all the kids got to look at and play with. We went around the room doing animals noises and Violet was a professional at the tiger noises. She growls all the time. We think it's because my little brother Isaac growls and makes similar noises. I think she picked it up from him. It's pretty adorable.
Yesterday we threw her a birthday party because Cristian had the day off. It was "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" themed and it was a BLAST. It was the first time we'd hosted anything at our little house. Honey made carne asada, lots of people brought salads, and beans and rice, and I made her caterpillar cake which I am VERY proud of. My mom brought fruit that had gummy worms going through the middle of them to keep with the theme. Basically all the gummy worms were eaten by the kids and the fruit was left lol. And also made a decorative caterpillar out of paper lanterns and pipe cleaner. We all ate and talked, then did cake and presents. She was EXHAUSTED by the end of the night but it was so much fun!
Today we had a quite day and she ended up bringing her new books to me to read about 10 times. And she carried around the blocks my parents bought her the rest of the day. She also received several GORGEOUS dresses. Man, she's sure spoiled. But none as much as I am for getting to be her mommy.
The whole year has been a highlight.
She has a 5th tooth which is awesome, and more of her personality comes out every day. It's so much fun to watch her grow, I'll never get tired of it.
Happy Birthday my wonderful little Violet! You've helped me grow and learn so much this last year. Thank you for all the smiles, giggles, fun bath times, baby babbling, adorable kisses, precious hugs, bright smiley eyes and fun I could ever ask for. Waking up everyday and seeing your beautiful little face and perfect baby body make me so happy! You're my darling little girl and I love you more then I will ever be able to describe.
Saturday, May 18, 2013
Saturday, May 11, 2013
I Am A Mommy
I am a mommy.
Sometimes I don't believe it though.
Some days I wake up in the morning and wonder what that noise coming from the second bedroom is. Sometimes I see Violet toddling around, pulling everything out of the cupboards and I think "When did THIS happen" and... "My goodness, that baby girl right there, the one with bright green peas smashed into her hair and blackberry smoothie dripping down her face... she's mine".
I've only been a mommy for about year, but it's been the most life changing...change... of my life. It definitely surpassed getting my driving license, graduating from high school, and traveling solo around Venice Italy at 19-obviously. The only thing which could trump giving birth to a child and becoming fully responsible for another human being, for me, would be marrying Cristian-the absolute love of my life. But those two things happened basically at the same time so I was double slammed.
Wife and mother, within a few months of each other. It's turned my world upside down.
I don't know much about being a mom, but I've learned a few things in my short experience. And that's what this post is about. All the things I've learned.
When I saw Violet for the first time, purple, crying, and all mine-that's when it hit me. I had no idea what I was doing. Uh......I don't know what to do with this thing-help! I realized then and there that no matter how much you prepare for motherhood and plan out how you'll execute that role, you really can't. That was hard to adjust to. For the first time in my life, all my planning was for nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've never felt so lost, and from what I'd understood up to this point was that it would come "naturally". That's really what they told me. What a bunch of garbage.
Next was I hadn't given my own mother enough credit for taking care of me, and for loving me. My mom had been by my side throughout my whole pregnancy. She was the one who got the 3 in the morning phone calls when my anxiety kicked into hysterics. And now that's me waking up in the middle of the night to calm my own child. She's the one who came with me to most of my appointments. I'm the one who takes Violet to all of HER appointments. She was the one that helped me get up off the couch when I needed help. I am constantly encouraging Violet to pick herself back up when she trips or bonks her head. And my mom was the one I called the first night home with Violet when everything came crashing down on me. The responsibility of being a mom is terrifying. It's scary (still) to think I will never be out of this role. I will always be a mother. That role and title are never going away.
It wasn't just throughout my pregnancy though-obviously. My whole life my mother has been a warrior. Now I have a year under my belt I realize how much garbage I was fed about "being a new mom", how much work it is, and I worry about how I'll live up to my mom. I worry on a daily basis if I'm simply going to survive. AND that my own daughter will not understand until she has her own babies.
I've learned I wouldn't be half the mother I think I am or that I think I COULD be without my wonderful husband. He can't help me in the same ways my own mother can, but they share that trait. My mom can't help me with the things that he can. Because of Cristian I am able to be a stay-at-home mom. I get to see her laugh and cry every day. I have the opportunity to be the primary nurturer in our home, and I have the privilege of being with her most of the day. He's one of the hardest working men I know. He can calm down the "crazy" when no one else can and no one has been able to make me laugh while I'm crying except him. He's my better half. And I get to try and be the kind of mother I want to be because of his sacrifices.
Some of the things I've learned are a little bit lighter.
Like while I now have to change diapers, I will probably never be able to pee or shower in peace again. That no matter how meticulously you clean your house, your baby will find something to play in or put in her mouth . That the only thing that really matters about a new toy is the packaging it came in. That sometimes food is for eating, and sometimes it's for throwing. That I can forget about keeping to a set schedule for about the next 5 years-maybe longer. That I'll be taking things day by day for a while. That it's okay to walk away when a tantrum kicks in. That I can semi-handle a tantrum is a big thing for me. That if I'm going to keep up with her, then exercise and healthy eating HAVE to be my lifestyle. That she's going to fall, and get hurt, and that's okay. That when she wants to give you a kiss with snot running down her face, you let her do it, and you will survive it. That you really can't judge anyone else's parenting "style". You don't know my life. It's fine if I sniff my babies butt from time to time to see if she needs changing. Maybe she'll be in a mis-matched outfit today. Maybe her hair looks like a mess because she pulls out any bow, clip, or band I put in it. Maybe I look like a mess too.
Mostly I've learned that it's an adventure to be a mommy. A non-stop, sun up to sun down adventure full of calm and chaotic moments, nightmares and dreams, all rolled into one. And while sometimes the whole thing makes me want to crumple into a corner rocking back and forth crying, it really is the best thing ever, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
Happy Mother's Day all your lovely ladies out there :D
Sometimes I don't believe it though.
Some days I wake up in the morning and wonder what that noise coming from the second bedroom is. Sometimes I see Violet toddling around, pulling everything out of the cupboards and I think "When did THIS happen" and... "My goodness, that baby girl right there, the one with bright green peas smashed into her hair and blackberry smoothie dripping down her face... she's mine".
I've only been a mommy for about year, but it's been the most life changing...change... of my life. It definitely surpassed getting my driving license, graduating from high school, and traveling solo around Venice Italy at 19-obviously. The only thing which could trump giving birth to a child and becoming fully responsible for another human being, for me, would be marrying Cristian-the absolute love of my life. But those two things happened basically at the same time so I was double slammed.
Wife and mother, within a few months of each other. It's turned my world upside down.
I don't know much about being a mom, but I've learned a few things in my short experience. And that's what this post is about. All the things I've learned.
When I saw Violet for the first time, purple, crying, and all mine-that's when it hit me. I had no idea what I was doing. Uh......I don't know what to do with this thing-help! I realized then and there that no matter how much you prepare for motherhood and plan out how you'll execute that role, you really can't. That was hard to adjust to. For the first time in my life, all my planning was for nothing. Absolutely nothing. I've never felt so lost, and from what I'd understood up to this point was that it would come "naturally". That's really what they told me. What a bunch of garbage.
Next was I hadn't given my own mother enough credit for taking care of me, and for loving me. My mom had been by my side throughout my whole pregnancy. She was the one who got the 3 in the morning phone calls when my anxiety kicked into hysterics. And now that's me waking up in the middle of the night to calm my own child. She's the one who came with me to most of my appointments. I'm the one who takes Violet to all of HER appointments. She was the one that helped me get up off the couch when I needed help. I am constantly encouraging Violet to pick herself back up when she trips or bonks her head. And my mom was the one I called the first night home with Violet when everything came crashing down on me. The responsibility of being a mom is terrifying. It's scary (still) to think I will never be out of this role. I will always be a mother. That role and title are never going away.
It wasn't just throughout my pregnancy though-obviously. My whole life my mother has been a warrior. Now I have a year under my belt I realize how much garbage I was fed about "being a new mom", how much work it is, and I worry about how I'll live up to my mom. I worry on a daily basis if I'm simply going to survive. AND that my own daughter will not understand until she has her own babies.
I've learned I wouldn't be half the mother I think I am or that I think I COULD be without my wonderful husband. He can't help me in the same ways my own mother can, but they share that trait. My mom can't help me with the things that he can. Because of Cristian I am able to be a stay-at-home mom. I get to see her laugh and cry every day. I have the opportunity to be the primary nurturer in our home, and I have the privilege of being with her most of the day. He's one of the hardest working men I know. He can calm down the "crazy" when no one else can and no one has been able to make me laugh while I'm crying except him. He's my better half. And I get to try and be the kind of mother I want to be because of his sacrifices.
Some of the things I've learned are a little bit lighter.
Like while I now have to change diapers, I will probably never be able to pee or shower in peace again. That no matter how meticulously you clean your house, your baby will find something to play in or put in her mouth . That the only thing that really matters about a new toy is the packaging it came in. That sometimes food is for eating, and sometimes it's for throwing. That I can forget about keeping to a set schedule for about the next 5 years-maybe longer. That I'll be taking things day by day for a while. That it's okay to walk away when a tantrum kicks in. That I can semi-handle a tantrum is a big thing for me. That if I'm going to keep up with her, then exercise and healthy eating HAVE to be my lifestyle. That she's going to fall, and get hurt, and that's okay. That when she wants to give you a kiss with snot running down her face, you let her do it, and you will survive it. That you really can't judge anyone else's parenting "style". You don't know my life. It's fine if I sniff my babies butt from time to time to see if she needs changing. Maybe she'll be in a mis-matched outfit today. Maybe her hair looks like a mess because she pulls out any bow, clip, or band I put in it. Maybe I look like a mess too.
Mostly I've learned that it's an adventure to be a mommy. A non-stop, sun up to sun down adventure full of calm and chaotic moments, nightmares and dreams, all rolled into one. And while sometimes the whole thing makes me want to crumple into a corner rocking back and forth crying, it really is the best thing ever, and I wouldn't change it for anything.
Happy Mother's Day all your lovely ladies out there :D
Saturday, May 4, 2013
Friday, May 3, 2013
Cut Grass
Well, we finally mowed our lawn. It was starting to turn into such an eye sore there for awhile, It's ridiculous to me to think this merits some kind of notice. Oh the silliness of being a stay at home mom, and wife right? Really. Cut grass? Could I be any more lame.
Whatever. The point is my lawn looks beautiful and all those ugly dandelions are gone. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a picnic out on it.
I'm very tired. The older Violet gets, it seems, the less energy I have. This is like impending doom to me because she's only just shy of a year. What am I going to do when she hits the 2-5 zone. I don't know, but I do know thinking about it NOW makes me want to cry a little.
Don't get me wrong. She's my sunshine. She keeps me going. She makes me feel as though I have a purpose. She makes me happy and challenges me. She's helping me understand patience and never under appreciating the calm moments I find during the day. But it's busy. And exhausting.
I think the one thing becoming and being a mother has taught me most, is I have, for my whole life, never given my own mom enough credit. Or at least the credit she deserves. I honestly can't see how she handled ( and still handles) 6 of us. And one of us has severe mental and physical disabilities. I can barely keep myself together with my one little dot.
The weather is warming up, and Violet turns into an impatient little baby sometimes when we're inside all day. I've taken to dropping the car off at work for Cristian and taking the walk home with Vi in her stroller. It's been great. It makes me feel great. She gets a great nap in. Everything is better when we take a walk during the day. And ESPECIALLY good if we stop at the park on the way home. Her personality is blossoming out her ears and so far I'm liking most of what I see. She's a little dramatic when she has a tantrum. She doesn't really scream her lungs out or anything quite like that but she'll mope around all over the floor, whining and sighs. She's funny. Has the most beautiful coal black eyes, cute little gap teeth, sparkly eyes, and is such a tease sometimes. I honestly can't get enough of her. I don't know who I am without her sometimes. Once you become a mother, you will ALWAYS BE a mother. I think I'm still letting that thought sink in. And I don't know if I'll laugh or cry when it does ;)
Cristian is doing well. He's working so hard at his job and I love him for it. He tells me everyday he loves me, and I'm beautiful. I need to hear it. And I should probably express to him more often how grateful I am for him in my life. And Violets. I miss him when he's at work all day. He's my best friend. I wish we had more time to have fun. I mean, we have fun... but I guess I just mean MORE fun. By the end of the day we don't even have enough energy to play a game of UNO. How sad is that?
Hhh.... almost 1. Where did this year go.
Whatever. The point is my lawn looks beautiful and all those ugly dandelions are gone. Maybe tomorrow we'll have a picnic out on it.
I'm very tired. The older Violet gets, it seems, the less energy I have. This is like impending doom to me because she's only just shy of a year. What am I going to do when she hits the 2-5 zone. I don't know, but I do know thinking about it NOW makes me want to cry a little.
Don't get me wrong. She's my sunshine. She keeps me going. She makes me feel as though I have a purpose. She makes me happy and challenges me. She's helping me understand patience and never under appreciating the calm moments I find during the day. But it's busy. And exhausting.
I think the one thing becoming and being a mother has taught me most, is I have, for my whole life, never given my own mom enough credit. Or at least the credit she deserves. I honestly can't see how she handled ( and still handles) 6 of us. And one of us has severe mental and physical disabilities. I can barely keep myself together with my one little dot.
The weather is warming up, and Violet turns into an impatient little baby sometimes when we're inside all day. I've taken to dropping the car off at work for Cristian and taking the walk home with Vi in her stroller. It's been great. It makes me feel great. She gets a great nap in. Everything is better when we take a walk during the day. And ESPECIALLY good if we stop at the park on the way home. Her personality is blossoming out her ears and so far I'm liking most of what I see. She's a little dramatic when she has a tantrum. She doesn't really scream her lungs out or anything quite like that but she'll mope around all over the floor, whining and sighs. She's funny. Has the most beautiful coal black eyes, cute little gap teeth, sparkly eyes, and is such a tease sometimes. I honestly can't get enough of her. I don't know who I am without her sometimes. Once you become a mother, you will ALWAYS BE a mother. I think I'm still letting that thought sink in. And I don't know if I'll laugh or cry when it does ;)
Cristian is doing well. He's working so hard at his job and I love him for it. He tells me everyday he loves me, and I'm beautiful. I need to hear it. And I should probably express to him more often how grateful I am for him in my life. And Violets. I miss him when he's at work all day. He's my best friend. I wish we had more time to have fun. I mean, we have fun... but I guess I just mean MORE fun. By the end of the day we don't even have enough energy to play a game of UNO. How sad is that?
Hhh.... almost 1. Where did this year go.
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