Have I mentioned we have a wise friend living in our backyard? He's made his residence in the grand pine tree next to the shed, and though our relationship was slightly rock-ribbed at first, we have sincerely come to enjoy him.
At first we couldn't understand what was making such a racket just as the sun was rising up over the mountains every single morning (or the commotion throughout the night) We enjoy our sleep. Very much. And as we clung to the last wispy bits of slumber it was difficult to not find annoyance with the fan fare. Violet would wake up to his calling and we'd realize (with a little soreness) we would not be suspended in dreamland just a little bit longer.
We have an owl. In case you had yet to gather that.
The day Violet was born Cristian basically skipped to the store to purchase a gift for his darling baby girl. It was so interesting to see the change in him once she was delivered and available to be held and seen, and loved. He transformed into a daddy right before my eyes. His first material gift to her was a stuffed animal owl about 4 times the size of her. I'm not sure where he found it but I recall thinking "she will have no idea WHAT to do with that until she's about 1 1/2 years old."
The owl thing kind of stuck with us and her first animal sound was "hoo hoo". We also had a couple special days at Willow Park Zoo where they had the owls out of their cages on display so you could get up nice and close to them. Violet was fascinated. I even have a small scrappy piece of magazine covered in tape (an attempt to laminate it), Violet found around 1 covered in owls. She still asks me to fish it out of my purse from time to time to show her the owls. We have quite a love story with this moonlighter fowl.
We hope one day we'll catch a glimpse of him, but for now his soft hooting early in the morning and throughout the night provides plentiful thrills for all of us.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Birthday Pinata
I wonder why they are tying my piñata up in the tree..
What!!!!? No!! Why are they hitting my donkey!!!
Traumatized.
Thought Junkyard/TMI...maybe
I don't know.
I guess I'm just stressed and frustrated with many things. My goal is to be as positive as I can be through the waiting periods of my life. Right now it seems as though I'm waiting for a lot of things. No. That's not quite right.
That makes it seems as though I'm sitting around. I'm not. I'm working towards many things and am actively and consciously trying to achieve very specific goals.
I'm not trying to just float along with everything right now, but it's felt like no matter how specific or detailed my goals are, and my plans to execute them...the outcomes are just not happening.
I've been having chronic back pain for awhile. It includes my neck and shoulders. I've been to some doctors, I exercise, I do specific movements which are supposed to help and nothing works. My chest nearly tripled in size through pregnancy and afterwards when I began nursing Violet. It's been about a year since I stopped breast feeding Violet and they have not shrunk, and unfortunately I am STILL lactating. I feel most of this upper body pain comes from being extremely top heavy. My bra is constantly cutting grooves into my shoulders and I feel like a reduction is the only thing which will help. I'm worried and stressed about that.
I gained 32 lbs with Violet. I have lost a measly 2 of those pounds. We've changed our eating, I've done Insanity (twice) and followed the "rules" to a "t", Cristian and I go running twice a week together, I count my calories to make sure I don't go over 1400 a day..I mean... I don't know what else to do. I refuse to take diet pills or anything like that. Not my thing. But it hurts to run and work out with my chest being so enormous. It's frustrating to not see many more options to try with this problem. It's hard not being able to run as far and as hard as I could before pregnancy. My hips start to hurt badly after 2-3 miles, my chest and back hurt the whole time and it's difficult to find bras which offer support but also allow me to breathe unrestricted.
Food is an issue. I feel like everything I eat (besides watermelon, and raw vegetables) upset my stomach or digestion somehow. Also my skin. We've tried a lot of things over the last year. Diary free. Gluten free. Less carbs. More protein. Wheat free. Paleo. Everything makes me feel bloated, big, uncomfortable. I just don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried eating less then 1400 and the result is me being irritable and lazy. I know eating more then 1400 isn't the answer.
Sleep. This is also an issue. Violet goes to bed about 9pm. It would be earlier but I like Cristian to see her for a few hours at night since he doesn't see her the rest of the day. He also really enjoys putting her to bed which is adorable. I would ideally like to go to bed earlier but once she's in bed we finally have time to ourselves and I can't make myself give that up. I'm tired all the time though. Getting up reasonably early and going to bed very late (or early depending how you look at it). Violet hardly takes naps during the day anymore so sneaking one in during the day is a rare luxury.
I'm trying to have relationships outside of my family. I miss my friends. I love being home with my girl and with Cristian at night but sometimes I just want a good laugh with friends, or an experience that is outside my regular routine. I'm trying to find this. I have been unsuccessful. I thought I would find something like that in my ward but with each semester there's a new batch of people and it's hard to maintain friendships and even playmates for Violet.
I've been thinking about having another child. But with all of this it's just laughable. I am no in the position to dive into another pregnancy, and I worry if I can't figure any of this out that I'll never feel able or comfortable enough to do it again. And that would be very sad for me. And for Cristian.
I can't tell if my medication needs to be adjusted. I can't tell if I need more or less. I can't figure it out. I also no longer have Health Insurance so the thought of going to the doctor for anything else but an absolute emergency is off the table for now. I just have to deal for the next couple of months and hopefully things stay okay until we can figure out a provider we can afford right now.
I want to build a home and get a dog for Violet. She needs an animal. I need an animal. Cristian needs an animal. We are just animal people. And we really need a dog. A big furry, slobbery, dog. I think that would do wonders for us. We also need a yard where Violet can play safely.
Cristian needs to be given the store he was promised the beginning of the year. They need to figure that out. He deserves it. He's hungry for it. He's been so patient.
There's just a lot.
Thought junkyard indeed.
I guess I should add something positive. My family and I are going on our first vacation together the beginning of next week FOR a week. We are headed down the St. George area to do some hiking through the narrows, grand canyon, and zions. Fishing and jet skiing in Lake Powell. A children's museum and dinosaur discovery site for Violet. Swimming and eating at my favorite restaurant IN THE WORLD (so far), and then on the way back home stopping at Thanksgiving Point to check it out. I'm really excited about it. We are long overdue for this type of break and it will be good for us to get out of the valley and enjoy some sun and fresh air.
And then in August, Cristian and I are planning on going to Colorado for a belated honeymoon, since I was 5 months pregnant when we were married. Pretty excited about that also.
I guess I'm just stressed and frustrated with many things. My goal is to be as positive as I can be through the waiting periods of my life. Right now it seems as though I'm waiting for a lot of things. No. That's not quite right.
That makes it seems as though I'm sitting around. I'm not. I'm working towards many things and am actively and consciously trying to achieve very specific goals.
I'm not trying to just float along with everything right now, but it's felt like no matter how specific or detailed my goals are, and my plans to execute them...the outcomes are just not happening.
I've been having chronic back pain for awhile. It includes my neck and shoulders. I've been to some doctors, I exercise, I do specific movements which are supposed to help and nothing works. My chest nearly tripled in size through pregnancy and afterwards when I began nursing Violet. It's been about a year since I stopped breast feeding Violet and they have not shrunk, and unfortunately I am STILL lactating. I feel most of this upper body pain comes from being extremely top heavy. My bra is constantly cutting grooves into my shoulders and I feel like a reduction is the only thing which will help. I'm worried and stressed about that.
I gained 32 lbs with Violet. I have lost a measly 2 of those pounds. We've changed our eating, I've done Insanity (twice) and followed the "rules" to a "t", Cristian and I go running twice a week together, I count my calories to make sure I don't go over 1400 a day..I mean... I don't know what else to do. I refuse to take diet pills or anything like that. Not my thing. But it hurts to run and work out with my chest being so enormous. It's frustrating to not see many more options to try with this problem. It's hard not being able to run as far and as hard as I could before pregnancy. My hips start to hurt badly after 2-3 miles, my chest and back hurt the whole time and it's difficult to find bras which offer support but also allow me to breathe unrestricted.
Food is an issue. I feel like everything I eat (besides watermelon, and raw vegetables) upset my stomach or digestion somehow. Also my skin. We've tried a lot of things over the last year. Diary free. Gluten free. Less carbs. More protein. Wheat free. Paleo. Everything makes me feel bloated, big, uncomfortable. I just don't know. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried eating less then 1400 and the result is me being irritable and lazy. I know eating more then 1400 isn't the answer.
Sleep. This is also an issue. Violet goes to bed about 9pm. It would be earlier but I like Cristian to see her for a few hours at night since he doesn't see her the rest of the day. He also really enjoys putting her to bed which is adorable. I would ideally like to go to bed earlier but once she's in bed we finally have time to ourselves and I can't make myself give that up. I'm tired all the time though. Getting up reasonably early and going to bed very late (or early depending how you look at it). Violet hardly takes naps during the day anymore so sneaking one in during the day is a rare luxury.
I'm trying to have relationships outside of my family. I miss my friends. I love being home with my girl and with Cristian at night but sometimes I just want a good laugh with friends, or an experience that is outside my regular routine. I'm trying to find this. I have been unsuccessful. I thought I would find something like that in my ward but with each semester there's a new batch of people and it's hard to maintain friendships and even playmates for Violet.
I've been thinking about having another child. But with all of this it's just laughable. I am no in the position to dive into another pregnancy, and I worry if I can't figure any of this out that I'll never feel able or comfortable enough to do it again. And that would be very sad for me. And for Cristian.
I can't tell if my medication needs to be adjusted. I can't tell if I need more or less. I can't figure it out. I also no longer have Health Insurance so the thought of going to the doctor for anything else but an absolute emergency is off the table for now. I just have to deal for the next couple of months and hopefully things stay okay until we can figure out a provider we can afford right now.
I want to build a home and get a dog for Violet. She needs an animal. I need an animal. Cristian needs an animal. We are just animal people. And we really need a dog. A big furry, slobbery, dog. I think that would do wonders for us. We also need a yard where Violet can play safely.
Cristian needs to be given the store he was promised the beginning of the year. They need to figure that out. He deserves it. He's hungry for it. He's been so patient.
There's just a lot.
Thought junkyard indeed.
I guess I should add something positive. My family and I are going on our first vacation together the beginning of next week FOR a week. We are headed down the St. George area to do some hiking through the narrows, grand canyon, and zions. Fishing and jet skiing in Lake Powell. A children's museum and dinosaur discovery site for Violet. Swimming and eating at my favorite restaurant IN THE WORLD (so far), and then on the way back home stopping at Thanksgiving Point to check it out. I'm really excited about it. We are long overdue for this type of break and it will be good for us to get out of the valley and enjoy some sun and fresh air.
And then in August, Cristian and I are planning on going to Colorado for a belated honeymoon, since I was 5 months pregnant when we were married. Pretty excited about that also.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Snippets/ Daily Happenings and a Birthday
Violet enjoying some toast and reading a graphic novel her daddy bought for her.
My baby has her own baby. She's a very good mother. She has been giving her naps with kisses, food, drinks, and has been diligently trying to potty train her.
Our first cookout of the year a few weeks ago. Burgers and grilled corn with all the fixin's. This earned Violet's stamp of approval, which is becoming harder to receive these days.
These on the other hand ALWAYS are approved. We can't get enough of these over here. Smoothies, salads, homemade lemonade, fruit leather, breakfast, lunch, dinner, there always somewhere.
She's happiest in the morning, which makes starting the day so much easier for me. Delicious spinach, strawberry, banana, and radish leaf smoothie.
Ma and Pa's sandpit with Jack enjoying the shade in the background. I can't wait to have our own place with a nice enclosed yard where she can run and play (hopefully with a puppy) safely.
Violet turned two years old! We tried to take some family photos at her very Hispanic party, but this was the best one of the bunch. She obviously didn't want to be on my lap and that two year old personality is clearly showing through. We love this girl.
A lot of people thought it was strange our gift for her this year was a TONKA Truck. What they don't know however is that Violet is OBSESSED with trucks. In the mornings, the first thing she does is run to the kitchen window and look out at the road with all the trucks making their way up to Logan Canyon. It was a hit and still is several days later. She loves it enough to take it with her to the potty every morning. We chose well.
I was in charge of choosing a piñata. So naturally I chose the most Hispanic piñata I could find. A donkey. Violet had a really great time with Cristian trying to hit it...but after that.. Well that might deserve it's very own special post. GO VIOLET!
Very eager and excited to devour some piñata guts with daddy.
Uncle Isaac and Auntie Victoria sharing presents with Violet. Every night before bed she requests "bubools". So we go out on the porch just as the sun is beginning to fade away slowly and enjoy her squeals of delight as she tries to catch them and/or stomp on them.
This was her cake. Chocolate on chocolate with whipped cream and almonds. Plus two fondant roses which I learned how to make especially for this occasion.
Being two can be exhausting.
Her birthday was perfect. We are so blessed to have Violet in our lives and the love shown to her by both mine and Cristian's family is wonderful. I'm so excited to see what life brings you this year Violet. And I'm so blessed to be your mom!
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Motherhood/ A Poem
Sometimes it's hard this mothering gig.
To pry your eyes open after a long night of first vomits, of day before temper tantrums, and wails so loud and big.
I think about my baby girl, whose now asleep asunder,
wonder.
Will I be able to keep up with her much longer.
The ups and the downs, the good and the bads,
The mornings she wakes up and cries mommy and dad.
It's hard sometimes this mothering gig.
But then.
She says she wants "baffles" for breakfast and my heart is recharged again.
As her arms wrap around me in a hug, and she plants a kiss on my cheek,
I feel as though I can get through another day as long as my personal angels ascend.
And it's okay.
Because through the ups and the downs, the goods and the bads,
there has never been another big little heart that has made me so glad.
Without Cristian's support, I don't know where I'd be.
He's truly helped me become a much better version of me.
Because of his efforts I can focus completely.
On becoming the best mother I can be more fully.
He works so hard, I am blessed to be able to stay at home,
With her.
Because it's important to both of us that she learns to explore and roam
Create, and sing, and built blanket domes.
These last two years have been a trial that's for sure, but her smiles, her need and love for me.
Have the ability to core,
out little spaces for memories, giggles, and oh so much more.
I can't stand it.
How much I love my perfect mini me, my only hope is that she can see.
That I'm trying my best, to be the best that I can.
For her.
Because she deserves that and needs that from me.
I realize now how much for granted I took.
How much my own mother.
Sacrificed for me
I only have one child now but she has two times three.
I applaud and admire her, she's the best that there is.
The one think I cherish most is that she taught me I am His.
And through my own ups and my own downs, I've always had some kind of center, because of that knowledge she planted in me years earlier.
With each passing day as I try to figure out how to be a mother, it's a wonderful thing to know that I have an older Brother.
Whose helping me.
Figure this out.
Even though at times I've been full of anxiety and doubt.
My mother is the best, I know this for me.
I hope I can be as good a mother to Violet as she's been to me.
I hope I can teach her to know right from wrong, to be a kind person, a gentle soul, and a giver.
To chase after dreams, let opportunity enter and to never forget about the sick, lonely and beggars.
I hope to give her a center, the knowledge that she's not alone.
That in this big world, there's always someone and somewhere to call Home.
I have so much to learn.
With this mothering gig.
But I am so grateful for the blessing of having my heart filled this big.
There's nothing quite like it, I wouldn't give it up for anything
I hope everyone knows that THIER mothers, mostly definitely think the same thing.
So show love to your mothers, and those with kids, to your kids.
Because one of the greatest things ( to me) in the world,
Is this mothering gig.
To pry your eyes open after a long night of first vomits, of day before temper tantrums, and wails so loud and big.
I think about my baby girl, whose now asleep asunder,
wonder.
Will I be able to keep up with her much longer.
The ups and the downs, the good and the bads,
The mornings she wakes up and cries mommy and dad.
It's hard sometimes this mothering gig.
But then.
She says she wants "baffles" for breakfast and my heart is recharged again.
As her arms wrap around me in a hug, and she plants a kiss on my cheek,
I feel as though I can get through another day as long as my personal angels ascend.
And it's okay.
Because through the ups and the downs, the goods and the bads,
there has never been another big little heart that has made me so glad.
Without Cristian's support, I don't know where I'd be.
He's truly helped me become a much better version of me.
Because of his efforts I can focus completely.
On becoming the best mother I can be more fully.
He works so hard, I am blessed to be able to stay at home,
With her.
Because it's important to both of us that she learns to explore and roam
Create, and sing, and built blanket domes.
These last two years have been a trial that's for sure, but her smiles, her need and love for me.
Have the ability to core,
out little spaces for memories, giggles, and oh so much more.
I can't stand it.
How much I love my perfect mini me, my only hope is that she can see.
That I'm trying my best, to be the best that I can.
For her.
Because she deserves that and needs that from me.
I realize now how much for granted I took.
How much my own mother.
Sacrificed for me
I only have one child now but she has two times three.
I applaud and admire her, she's the best that there is.
The one think I cherish most is that she taught me I am His.
And through my own ups and my own downs, I've always had some kind of center, because of that knowledge she planted in me years earlier.
With each passing day as I try to figure out how to be a mother, it's a wonderful thing to know that I have an older Brother.
Whose helping me.
Figure this out.
Even though at times I've been full of anxiety and doubt.
My mother is the best, I know this for me.
I hope I can be as good a mother to Violet as she's been to me.
I hope I can teach her to know right from wrong, to be a kind person, a gentle soul, and a giver.
To chase after dreams, let opportunity enter and to never forget about the sick, lonely and beggars.
I hope to give her a center, the knowledge that she's not alone.
That in this big world, there's always someone and somewhere to call Home.
I have so much to learn.
With this mothering gig.
But I am so grateful for the blessing of having my heart filled this big.
There's nothing quite like it, I wouldn't give it up for anything
I hope everyone knows that THIER mothers, mostly definitely think the same thing.
So show love to your mothers, and those with kids, to your kids.
Because one of the greatest things ( to me) in the world,
Is this mothering gig.
Thursday, May 8, 2014
Resolutions
I'm a little late on this post. I mean it's May already right so.... I probably should have written down these New Year Resolutions about 5 months ago. Whatever.
:: A bad habit I am going to break- Snacking at night ::
:: A new skill I'd like to learn- The spoken word, something like this-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiS8q_fifa0 ::
:: A person I hope to be more like- My Grandma Thelma
:: A good deed I'm going to do- I think I'll keep this one to myself.
:: A place I'd like to visit- Garden of the Gods, Denver Colorado ::
:: A book I'd like to read- The Happiness Project ::
:: A letter I'm going to write- I think I'll keep this one to myself also.
:: A new food I'd like to try- Beef Wellington
:: I'm going to do better at- Being social ::
:: A bad habit I am going to break- Snacking at night ::
:: A new skill I'd like to learn- The spoken word, something like this-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KiS8q_fifa0 ::
:: A person I hope to be more like- My Grandma Thelma
:: A good deed I'm going to do- I think I'll keep this one to myself.
:: A place I'd like to visit- Garden of the Gods, Denver Colorado ::
:: A book I'd like to read- The Happiness Project ::
:: A letter I'm going to write- I think I'll keep this one to myself also.
:: A new food I'd like to try- Beef Wellington
:: I'm going to do better at- Being social ::
Monday, May 5, 2014
Snippets
Choosing flowers with Ma to bring home with us.
Lunch time routine.
First taste of Aggie Ice Cream. Pa chose Centennial. I chose Lemon Custard. And I also chose Raspberries and Cream for Violet. She ended up with all 3 of them.....
This is my happy place.
She wakes up with little dark ringlets swirling around her face. I love the first few moments when she's still in and out of sleeping and not really sure where she is. Precious.
Today she walked into our room looking like this saying she was going to the store. I love this age!
Saturday, May 3, 2014
5 Ways He Wins My Heart...
....In no particular order.
:: Handwritten notes, full of love, confidence, and sincerity. I hold these treasure near and dear.::
:: His relationship with Violet. There honestly is nothing more attractive to me then seeing Cristian read, play, laugh, and spend time with our little girl::
:: How he makes kissing me goodbye in the morning and goodnight in the evening before bed a priority. I remember one time he didn't plant a kiss on my forehead before he left for work one morning. The entire day I felt weird. He hasn't missed a morning since::
:: His voice. Seriously though, he has the sexiest voice::
:: His confidence in me as a mother, and his pride in me as his wife. I think those are self explanatory::
:: Handwritten notes, full of love, confidence, and sincerity. I hold these treasure near and dear.::
:: His relationship with Violet. There honestly is nothing more attractive to me then seeing Cristian read, play, laugh, and spend time with our little girl::
:: How he makes kissing me goodbye in the morning and goodnight in the evening before bed a priority. I remember one time he didn't plant a kiss on my forehead before he left for work one morning. The entire day I felt weird. He hasn't missed a morning since::
:: His voice. Seriously though, he has the sexiest voice::
:: His confidence in me as a mother, and his pride in me as his wife. I think those are self explanatory::
A Lesson On Gravity
We've had out first major (ish) injury over here. While out working at my job Violet tried to climb up on a bar stool. She made it, but fell off right after. She bit into her lip and split it wide open. I checked her teeth but she screamed every time I tried to examine the inside of her lip. After trying and failing several times I called Cristian and we decided to take her into Instacare to have her checked out. It was deep but they don't put stitches in the mouth when they are this young so for the next couple of weeks Vaseline will be our best friends. Anyway, I think she's learned a little bit about heights and falling from them. I know we'll probably go through this again. Sighs.
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