Sunday, November 1, 2015

Snippets // What Fall Looks Like

Sneaking bits of ham which were supposed to go into some pineapple fried rice. She knows the good stuff come out in the late afternoons when we start prepping for dinner.
Yes, we haven't even celebrated Thanksgiving yet, but I had a fun afternoon with one of my good friends making these rice filled snowmen. It was fun to pick out some cute buttons and plan a day to make more for homemade Christmas gifts. Thanks Nicole for the good idea and a fun time!
Don't really know where we are looking, the opposite side of where the camera window is apparently, but this was Cristian's first hockey game. I used to go to every game back in college, but after I met Cristian, for whatever reason I stopped going. Probably because we were too busy making out hahahah! Anywaaaaaay, this was the first one I had been to in about 4 years and it rekindled my love for the game. Its become a pretty regular thing, and when I say regular, we've gone to 3 games, in 3 consecutive weeks over the weekends. It's a plus Violet is pretty into the Zamboni. In fact, it's the highlight of the game for her and she has requested a pink toy Zamboni for Christmas. And get this- THEY EXIST. So thanks Playmobil (sp?) we will be purchasing an item from you soon for the Christmas holidays. She also told Cristian last night (USU vs BYU-we slayed by the way 12:3) she wants to be a hockey player when she grows up. So, there ya have it!
Her love of trucks has not dwindled in the slightest, to bad this one isn't the right size for you to ride in, right Vi? Doesn't stop her though, and I'm frequently woken in the morning to the sound of her pushing her truck all over the wood floors. Probably the most used toy she's ever been given, aside from a hockey puck which was given to her from some friends of Cristian and I about a week ago.
We celebrated my mom's birthday mid October. All of us girls got together to make Chicken Italian Pasta and then Victoria made these homemade donuts filled with different types of jam. They were really yummy, and as was so typical of my mom her favorite part of the whole thing was us working together in the kitchen to make a yummy meal. Love you mom!
These 4 have become a pack (and I just learned today my sister Victoria has just adopted a pitbull/german shepherd mix named Bastian, so the pack will grow a number in the coming weeks I'm sure). She can't get enough of these 3 and they are always so good and patient with her. Course I would be too if I was getting all the treats she secretly gives them. I love that she loves animals.
Speaking of animals, she declared she wanted to dress up as Piper for Halloween, my sister Talisa's puppy. (See orange dog in the photo above as a reference.). When her Halloween parade at school rolled around I, for some reason, thought were still in the beginning of October and had to whip of something quickly. It worked, and she was happy, and loved wearing face paint.
Pretty adorable if you ask me.

The last couple Halloweens I've raided Violet's dress up box. So, the bunny ears with a sparkly pink crown are curtesy of my daughter, and we shared the face paint. We trick-or-treated at Lee's with her grandparents (dressed up as hippies), cousin Steph (bandit, or burgler), and uncle Isaac (Mr. T) She even went through the spook alley this time, which she has refused to do ever previous time! Proud of my girl! We also went to her dad's work.

To anyone concerned about the stache, it's all part of a competition going on at his work for No Shave November. The last of that thing is being shaved off tonight and then the real game for beard bragging rights begins (except Cristian will win because OBVIOUSLY). Ugh. I love these guys.
Sand box and sunshine. Soaking it up, because the weather has turned much colder and darker the last couple of days. We'll take what we can get of this sporadic good weather and make it count while we can.

One of Violets (and I must admit, mine too) past times is watching Talisa feed her bearded dragon Rocky crickets! It's so fun watching him snatch them up, and its been fun to watch him grow bigger and bigger! The other night he was shedding the last of his skin and my mom, niece, myself and Violet were sitting around his tank just watching him running up and down his tree trying to scrape it off. Sounds gross, and it was, but also fascinating. Anyway, it's always a good time watching Rocky hunt.

These pictures are out of order, but I couldn't be bothered fixing it. Anyway, my people, my beautiful people. I am determined that next year we will pull off some kind of costuming as a family because that's a thing right? At least a couple's costume, because Violet can decide what she wants to be. Anyway, goals for next year!


Just goofing off, and Violet making a moustache out of string cheese.

We've been taking lots of strolls on over to the temple, this is the view we are graced with on the walk. This valley is beautiful, and this day was perfect!
The flowers were gorgeous, and so is she. We sat and sang some hymns and talked about Jesus and I love every minute of these little outings!

"Mom, I'm sick of you taking photos of me!"

Messing around, having some fun!
We also have been taking walks up the canyon. It's been beautiful up there.
If you've never been up there around October, go! You can see tons of Whoolly Bear caterpillars (that will turn into Tiger Moths) munching on leaves EVERYWHERE! So fun to walk around and spot them in the trees.

As far as everything else going on, we've (Cristian and I) have given ourselves an early Christmas present. Personal trainers and a 90 day transformation program which started on the 19th of October and will end on January 16th, right over the holidays, so we don't hunker down and hibernate with all the holiday pies, cookies, Christmas candy, gravy and potatoes and hot chocolate. It entails going to the gym 6 days a week for one on one training, and also group fitness classes (really fun!), a meal plan (this has been adapted because it's too expensive and our over all meals are not what is hurting us, just all the snacks in between and when Violet goes to bed), a calorie counting app (which has been useful, but the goal is to not have to count calories ever again because it is SO ANNOYING), and challenges against other participating members.

It's been really rough for me. I'm really competitive, and I will admit there have been times when it's been SO hard to see how well Cristian has been doing in comparison to myself. That being said-I AM SO PROUD OF MY HUSBAND. He is currently in 2nd place in the challenge
and if he keeps it up he could win some serious prizes. My fat is sluffing off much more slowly, but it's improving, and I feel stronger, less aching and tired, I can tell my flexibility and posture are improving (2 of my goals for this challenge), and I'm growing and learning to have a better head space about competition, especially when it involves my best friend.

We had our first challenge on Halloween, and while I didn't come in first, I also didn't come in last, and that I'm really proud of. Cristian could not participate because of work, but hopefully both of us can make it to the next one in 2 weeks! He would SLAY at those competitions.

Violet is still thoroughly enjoying preschool and also kids club which has been a lifesaver. It's so nice having a place where she is watched, and safe in the same facility we workout so we can get an hour or 2 in when it's convenient for us. She's a good sport, and while it's not ideal, it's been so helpful. It's also nice that I can get to a few classes while she's in preschool. Having a few more hours to myself during the day has been wonderful!

We made the decision to not move back into our current home after the 6 months we'll spend taking care of my parents house, which means we will be house hunting and job hunting. I'm nervous we don't have a secure plan yet for after those 6 months, but we'll take it day by day and do the best with what we have.

That was really long, but its what we've been up to the last little while. Hope all of your Halloween festivities were fun and everyone was safe! Cheers!


Monday, October 26, 2015

Real Talk//

I haven't posted in awhile, and it's mostly because things have been really difficult lately. I'm having a really hard time, with no one thing in particular, but with a whole bucketful of things. There's not much I can do to really change any of it, except to write about it and maybe feel some sort of relief, no matter how minimal.

We are supposed to be moving in a little over a month. We are moving into my parents for 6 months to care for my brother while they go to California, Ireland, and China. 6 months ago they said they were going to start giving their house the ultimate decluttering. This was comforting for me. I don't do well in clutter, I can't focus, I feel stressed out, it bothers me greatly. Besides being a comfort, it was also a relief we would be able to fit all of our stuff in their house while they were gone. We don't have much, and I have been doing a little dejunking of my own with our belongings. However,  2 people who live in the house have yet to move out, and 1 does little to nothing to help keep the house clean, clean dishes, or anything involving housework. Every time I go over there I can see no progress has been made and with a month to go I fear we will be moving into all the clutter, and then be expected to take care of it while living there. Which, if that ends up being the outcome of this, we will be ordering dump truck and just loading it up with anything WE think my parents no longer have use for, and getting it out of there because I just can't. I can't live in that house the way it is now. I can barely handle going out there 1 day a week for work and end up cleaning the downstairs almost every time I go out there because it physically, mentally, and emotionally BOTHERS me so much.

I don't think this is some kind of disorder, I just like things organized, clean, and fresh. I feel like that's how we are SUPPOSED to live.
I'm really stressed out about it. Cristian told my parents we would be willing to go out there the next several Tuesdays to clean, but it's not really our responsibility. And whatever we sort through, they will just sort through again themselves so why not just eliminate the middle man?

Anyway.

The car needed to get new tires a few weeks ago. The wires were showing and apparently need some part that would cost about $500 (that would include labor) to fix. Cristian is a mechanic so if he did the labor himself if would cost us about $300 which isn't much better. It's getting to a point with our vehicle where it may just not be worth it to keep putting money into it, and to just get a new one. Of course we are not able to do that right now, even with a cosigner because we wouldn't even be able to afford the insurance.

We can't afford health insurance no matter how we try and spin things, and that means no babies in the foreseeable future. I don't know if I'm okay with this, or upset about it. But either way it would be silly to get pregnant when we financially have now way to be responsible about it, so there ya go.

Speaking of money, my doctor won't give me refills on my anti-depressants unless I go and have another appointment with her, which will cost about $100 which we don't have. And I will probably need to get my toe frozen again, which is also another $100 which we don't have. I'm slowly trying to wean myself off the pills so we no longer have to pay for those (each refill is anywhere from $15-$30), and I'm just hoping I don't turn into a crazy person and can find a way to deal with my depression in a different way.

Speaking of that, Cristian and I gave ourselves an early Christmas present; personal trainers from now until about the middle of January in an effort to get fit and back in shape, and healthier. We've been at it for 1 week now, and Cristian is doing amazing. It's part of a competition and right now Cristian is in 5th while I'm not even on the charts. I'm having a really hard time with it. I thought doing this as a couple would be really good, but it seems like the more he excels, the more I digress. I'm really overweight, and even though I don't need anyone to tell me that, there is one family member who likes to constantly remind me, while praising Cristian on looking so good. It's REALLY great motivation, and for any of you who end up reading this and are confused that was SARCASM.
I've been trying to get in shape for last 4 years. Nothing I have done on my own has helped in the long run, and the last time I had a personal trainer it really helped me, motivated me, and changed my life. The competition was there too, and that was a great incentive to get extra workouts in and eat right, get enough sleep, etc.

I was also single, and didn't have any responsibilities that come along with marriage, wifedom, or motherhood. I had more time. I also had my own car, and a schedule that didn't have to include Violet, Cristian, when I would have the car, when Cristian would get off work (which is never when he's supposed to), when Violet naps, or eats, or is sick, or cranky, or what specific days are the only ones we can get laundry done, and meal prep for the week, etc. It doesn't feel doable to me, and as of this moment while I write....I'm just done with it.

It just feels like my life is a failure any way I look at it, and I'm just done.
I hope my next post is happier, I dunno. Peace out.

Wednesday, October 14, 2015

Motherhood// A Teaching Moment

Today Violet and I headed out to my parents house after taking Cristian back to work, with the intention of walking the dogs up the canyon. Upon arrival we found out all the dogs were getting their haircuts. We decided to head up the canyon anyways, but as we were passing the cemetery Violet decided she wanted to go there instead. We always pass one on our way out to her grandparents, and she's been asking to go for awhile but we've never had the time. We are either hurrying to get to my job, or leaving my job when it's already late and past her bedtime by the time work is over.

So, we backtracked and turned into the cemetery, found a shady place to park and hopped out.

We walked hand in hand around the place with her commenting on all the flowers, toys, wreaths, pumpkins, and other trinkets that were left by loved ones.

She asked me why all of these things were left there (she found one small grave with 2 toys cars placed on top and was wanting to play with them). I explained to her the tombstones were markers for where people had died and been buried, and the decorations and personal items left were there as a way to remember those people.

I had the opportunity to explain to her about our spirits and she readily recognized the idea of an afterlife where we go to be with our Heavenly Father and Jesus after spending a life on earth. Most of the tombstones she was interested in also had engraved temples on them, the Logan one she easily recognizes as the temple "Grandma goes to all the time". She tells me almost daily that me, her, and Grandma will go to the temple one day, and mentions Cristian coming too.

I keep the thought of this happening in the deepest part of my heart, its my greatest desire and the day it happens I'm sure my heart will literally burst in happiness. I don't talk about the gospel much on here, and I guess most of it is because I feel very unqualified to do so. I'm far from perfect, so speaking or writing about things that are sacred to me isn't something I just do naturally-also the reason this blog entry wasn't posted of FB. I also fear the things I believe most and know are true will somehow be attacked-something I don't know if I could bear. So I keep it to myself, but as we were standing there talking about how much Heavenly Father loves us thoughts from a previous blessing came back to me.

The promise that if I do my part, to the best of my ability, that I will receive the deepest desires of my heart-to be sealed for time and all eternity to my own family.

I'm struggling right now.
Certain aspects of my health have been a worry for a while now, and I have difficulty with depression. It's difficult for me to make friends, and because I'm in a part member family it's hard for me to feel comfortable attending certain church related activities on my own. All of these things I signed up for, but you never really know what those things mean until you're IN the situation .That moment today though has given me renewed perspective and hope that who I am now is not who I will remain.
I can better myself, there always room for improvement.
I can do hard things.
I can make goals and accomplish them.
Nothing is impossible, and EVERYTHING is possible if I do my part.

All of this from a detour requested by my beautiful 3 year old daughter.
Thank you Violet.



Friday, October 9, 2015

Random TidBits

Health Food I Will Not Eat:
kale. it is so gross
ground turkey/turkey bacon (nope, just no)
green tea


Things I Believe In:
cooking without shoes on
taking my bra off as soon as I enter my house
naps
restless leg syndrome
anxiety
lavender linen spray
massages
eating outside
hammocks

Big Dreams:
being sealed
buying or renting an airstream and traveling up the west coast for 6 months w/ my family
finding an online job that will WORK
growing an enormous garden, including fruit trees
having a pet dog, and goat, and chickens
Cristian having a shop to work in
60lbs+ weight loss and more energy
harry potter studio in London
more travel in general
no debt

Big Dreams I Have Already Accomplished:
humanitarian projects (Guatemala, Thailand)
Italy, specifically Venice
Australia, multiple times
marriage/child
living in a different state (Arizona, yeah yeah, it's not far from here)
auditioning (singing) for a part in a play (even though I didn't make the cut)
ultimate loser (SARC)
Colorado
child birth







Monday, September 28, 2015

A Short Update//

Its been busy.
Its been awhile.

Violet started preschool about 2 weeks ago and its brought about a different schedule which has been nice in a number of ways, and surprising in a few others.
First of all, she loves preschool. The morning of her first day she was up at about 4am, backpack on, sitting on the couch ready to go. I tried to tell her she wouldn't be going for another 5 or so hours but she couldn't go back to sleep. She also didn't each much. Excitement, that's all it was and rightfully so-she's been talking about preschool for the last 6 months (I was excited for her to finally start also, as you can imagine). She has had no problems so far, and hops into the car talking excitedly about all the things she did and learned in preschool after school ends. I love looking through her folder and seeing the different motor skills, letters, and other art projects she's been working on at school. She loves her teacher and LOVES swimming and tumbling.
I asked her the first day if she'd made any friends.
Her response : "There was a boy who wouldn't share the crayons with me".

To be expected-hoping she makes some school friends soon though because play dates.

This change in schedule has been so good for her. I love that she has a few hours every couple of days to be with other children and to be learning (they gave her lettering homework which she was more then thrilled to practice) different things along WITH other children. A nice change from hanging out with mom all day, and a nice change for me to have a little break from her to do some of the things I'd like to start getting into again.

Not that I've delved into anything other than naps, deep cleaning our house, and running errands the last few times. And this week I'll probably spend that time looking for renters to take over our contract, and work on volunteering in the swim portion of Violet's preschool program. Also, searching up some online jobs I can do from home during the hours she is at school, or after she's gone to bed at night.

We move in December.
Before we move we need to, like I said, find new renters, go through our belongings and get rid of all the things we don't need, or use, train Cristian on how to help me care for my brother on the off chance there are days I can't do it, and a few other odds and ends. December seems far away, but I know it will be on us sooner then we think.

We thought for awhile we would simply move back into our current home after my parents move back from California. Going from an actual neighborhood, with other children, and a fenced in yard with animals, back to our house now which is none of those things and surrounded by college students will be, as I imagine, pretty difficult. I didn't think this way until a moment I had a few weeks ago when we attended a block party in my parents neighborhood. We went as a way to get to know our soon-to-be new neighbors. Violet fit in and was running around with the other neighbor kids effortlessly within minutes. I watched as she ran around in between the houses with her little pack of girls and it hit me going from this, back to where we are now is not going to be good for her, or me, or Cristian.

We need to move out from this place for good, and possibly away.
My mom told me of a potential job opening up 2 hours away from here which I know Cristian would DIE for. A company (not saying which) is in the process of being bought out and will be making a fresh start as far as hiring etc. I mean, who knows if this job will even be available by next May/June but it was an exciting thought and who knows what could happen? I choose to be optimistic.

Random tidbits:
It's fall, which means I'm rereading the Harry Potter series.
My meal plans have been on point for about a month now, and it feels good.
I learned how to do my eyeliner. (Figured it was time, I am 27 after all)
In the process of planning one of our vacations next year to Seattle Washington.
Cristian is really into BloodBorne (videogame, and I don't even know if I spelled that right).
He's also on a sparkling water kick which is just hilarious.
He's also trying to get together a group to play some basketball every week and I really hope it works out.
We threw our fall BBQ which went down well. Good food, new friends, an impromptu basketball game.
We watched the blood moon last night which was pretty anticlimactic from where we live but...whatever.

That's......about it!
Hope everyone is having a great autumn.