Blogging Round Up

I thought I'd share a few of the blogs I read consistently, and maybe explain a tad bit about why I enjoy them. Feel free to check any and all of them out!

The Stork And The Beanstalk
I love Ashley's blog. Not only is she an amazing photographer, but I love how raw and unabashed her posts are. She keeps it real, and I thoroughly appreciate this quality. Her self proclaimed "Mother's Journal" is a breath of fresh air. She also has an Etsy shop named The Bee And The Fox, I LOVE her shirts-check em' out!

The Ma Books
The description : "Overall, embracing the highlights, the downfalls, the humor and humility involved in raising children.", basically sums it up. Every couple of days there is a new post that has been written and sent in by fellow blog readers. Sometimes it's a yummy recipe, a birthing story, a home tour, a simple craft etc. It's always something different, and it seems to always be a different writer which makes each post unique.

BuckBrushed
If you check this blog out, start with THIS post: I am fascinated by this family, and their choice to get off the grid. And I mean LITERALLY, getting off the grid. They moved to the Yukon on the north side of the Klondike River where there is no road access to their house- you can find out more by clicking on the link above. Rian, the author of the blog doesn't post often, which makes sense because of WHERE they live, but when she does, her posts reel me in and have me dreaming of building our own getaway in the boonies away from all the "noise".

The Woman Who Married A Bear
This couple live on a small island off the coast of Washington coast. Again, I must have something about couples or family's who live a less then conventional life. In the "Who" of the website she writes her blog covers these topics: "homesteading, 90s style, the Tarot, sisterhood, moon cycles, cooking, wildcrafting, books, activism, magic, cats, nature journals, camping, hippies, country life, music, cinema, loving the wild, crafts and hiking". I read one recently I really enjoyed; a celebration of back fat lol, you can find the post HERE.

Birch & Pine
This couple just sold their house and finished renovating their AirStream. The interior of it is beautiful and the photos of the progress are amazing! They have about a week left of "regular life" with their jobs, and finishing up the plumbing in their new home and then they are off on some travel adventures. I can't wait to see where they go, and what things they experience. I am certainly living vicariously through this blog.


Enjoy! And comment if you feel inclined!

A Holiday// A Fishing Staycation

Sometimes we track swampy muddy shoes into the house after hours of fishing amidst scattered thunderstorms. And leave it there for the following days, because we plan on going out every day.
 It rained the first day. Poured more like. Cristian and I were both wearing sweaters which just absorbed the droplets and slowly soaked through to our bones. I like to think of it as my first true fishing experience. I hiked with Violet on my back while Cristian carried the cooler full of sandwiches, chopped fruit, and bottles of water. We made our way to the bridge, folded out the camp chairs, whipped out our tiny umbrella for Violet to sit under, and got to work readying our lines.

We bought Violet a fishing pole this year. It's sparkly and pink, and she's already a professional at reeling in the line. She loves to hold and touch the night crawlers, and to wear her rain/fishing boots. She's caught 2 small yellowbelly fish this year. Each time she gets so excited. Her eyes light up and she can't wait for her dad to hand her the pliers to help release the hook so she can hold the fish for a minute. Then we send them back on their way swimming.
I think about how excited I get when I see the tip of my fishing pole dip down, or feel the subtle nibble on the end of a hook and reel in fish- and it must be a billion times more fantastic to experience that as a 3 year old.

I never had any interest in fishing growing up. It wasn't something I did with my parents or siblings, or even my friends. I remember the first time Cristian took me fishing, he's a great teacher. He showed me how to use a fishing rod and reel, how to cast, how to reel in, how to do everything because I was truly a beginner. And in a billion ways, I still am. It's been so much fun learning, and believe me, I know there is MUCH more to fishing then what I have learned so far. Its been exciting to learn something new, and it's also become something we really enjoy doing as a family.
What I enjoy most about it is the quiet, and by that I mean the lack of cars, televisions buzzing, phones vibrating, the constant background music in our day to day life. It's all shut off and the only things we hear are the wind rippling across the marina, or the rushing river, or those cheeky fish jumping over in that area of the water. There was lots of thunder, and the occasional gasp from Violet, myself, or Cristian when we thought we felt a tug, or saw something quiver in the water. Other then that it was quiet chatter, the occasional dozing off, Violet splashing with her sticks in the water or jumping happily in muddy puddles. A constant hum of flies, crickets, and mosquitos.

It was beautiful, and relaxing, and rejuvenating.

Over the last several days we've tried out different spots, and I even had my first shot at fishing in a fast moving river-it was hard btw-and I didn't catch anything, but it was cool to learn about the different types of gear you use for different fish, for different locations, and different weather.

We had a nice little staycation and those mud coated shoes and boots, and rods and reels and tackle boxes are still just at the door, waiting to be cleaned and the floors around them mopped...but I think we'll put that off for one more day, and instead snuggle in bed and watch Jeremy Wade.

Our biggest catch this year, caught by your truly :)

2 Sides To Every Story, And The Effects Part 2

This blog post is a continuation of "2 Sides To Every Story, And The Effects";  a closer look at how Cristian's dad remembers things. If you missed and care to read part 1 you can find it HERE.

 

Cristian left for California the morning of Sunday May 17th. He took one backpack stuffed with necessities, and a whole lot of nervous energy. He was off to see his dad, who had just lost his wife, He hasn't had much face-to-face time with him, or his family-including his 2 half brothers. He also never actually met his stepmom, though we did receive some onsies, socks, and other apparel from her through the mail around the birth of Violet.

 

I mentioned in the post proceeding this one I didn't hear much from Cristian while he was gone. Video calling morning and night, and minimal texting throughout the day. The moments when we would talk, it always seemed like there was so much family drama going on. At one point the stress between his dad and his dad's MIL built up so much, he told me he was tempted to call my dad and have him, my mom, and myself pray for this woman to relax. I don't know if Cristian ever contacted my father. To my knowledge, he didn't. I just want to point out, Cristian recognizes the power of family and prayer, something incredibly important to me.

 

I want to pause here to talk a little bit about what happened with his stepmom, before I go back to talking about Cristian's seemingly estranged father and his life.

 

Cristian's stepmom died of a brain tumor. 3 years ago she started having random pain in her hand. It would come and go, and the NEXT time it would come it would be worse, and last longer. I don't know how long it took for them to figure out it was a tumor. But apparently there is a type of brain tumor only detectable once it reaches a highly severe stage. I'm no doctor, I'm not going to pretend I know more then what I've been told so, bare with me. She went through surgery. The cancer was gone, but so were a lot of other things. She couldn't walk, she couldn't speak, simple tasks were very difficult for her. Cristian told me a story of her needing to be retaught how to eat soup. She would try and use a fork, and then once she got the right utensil she couldn't understand she had to put the spoon in the soup to scoop it up, and then guide it to her mouth. She had to relearn how to speak through lots of therapy. His dad helped through all of this, and also had a 7 year old son, and 3 year old son with autism to care for. He was also trying to hold a fulltime job.

 

5 months ago she was hospitalized. We didn't know this. We didn't even know she was sick. She and Cristian's dad knew this time, she probably wouldn't make it, and started to make plans for what would happen after she passed away. This is the reason why Cristian went out there. To be a support for his dad, to help out with the children, and to listen whenever anyone needed to talk.

 

This story isn't about all the painful and complicated things that happened between the family while Cristian was there. There was plenty of drama, and still is, but I want to focus on Cristian and his dad's side of the story. Over the 5 days, he asked his dad about...well, I'm not entirely sure what. But whatever he asked, these were the answers:

 

When Cristian's mom went into labor, his dad was there. He actually was the one to give her a ride to the hospital. He even remembers the make and model of the car he drove-a white Toyota Corolla. He remembers she was in labor for awhile. At about 5am he left to go and grab some food, who knows how long he was gone for, but when he came back she had delivered Cristian. This in my mind is totally possible. Between the time I started pushing with Violet to the time she was pulled out and put on the scale was 29 minutes.

 

He told Cristian they had actually lived together until Cristian was, wait for it....4 years old. I asked Cristian about this, because it would seem to me you'd have to remember SOMETHING about that right? He honestly doesn't recall a single thing. He has no memory of his dad ever being there. He told his dad this. His dad said to go through his mom's photos. Apparently there are photos of him holding Cristian in the hospital, and somewhere, a photo of him, Cristian, and their dog at the time cuddled up in bed. We haven't gone over to search through all the photos, but it's certainly on our agenda to try and find these prints.

 

Cristian must have asked why they separated, because he found this out: His mom was the one who left his dad. They had big plans to own a house, have more children, and get married. It sounds like it was a pretty serious relationship, but something came in the way. Something which I think comes in the way of lots of marriages, and/or serious relationships: Money.

He says there were a few times bills of $600 or more showed up for their phones, and he explained this by saying that Aura's (Cristian's mom) mom lived in Guatemala and they talked on the phone frequently. There were other things; her side of the family always wanting money for something, more mysterious bills, gambling. Eventually his dad just started saying no whenever she asked for money, and her sisters would put into her head it was because he didn't REALLY love her, or REALLY care for her. At some point, she ended up leaving, and taking Cristian with her.

 

Just want to clarify, this is his DAD'S side of the story. No one else's.

 

They didn't really have contact with each other for awhile, but then she wanted child support, and back filed for 5 years. He said it was a regular occurrence to have $2000 disappear out of his paychecks, and this was hard because he was trying to make a life for himself since they were gone now. To this day, no one will ever know what the money was actually used for, but I thought it was interesting his dad, and the courts decided to open up a bank account for Cristian instead of sending his mom the money. And I mentioned earlier, Cristian never saw any of the money-still hasn't seen any of the money- his dad was sending him. Apparently he paid up until Cristian's 18th birthday. This was all news to Cristian. 

 

His dad has lots of memories of Cristian those first 4 years. Playing with the dog, and other special moments. And again encouraged Cristian to look for the photos. He said he tried to have a relationship with him, and I can see the truth behind that. The letters, the phone calls here and there, the gifts and money. He says he really did put in the effort, but he also had his own life. His own family, a job, soon kids to take care of and a wife. He hasn't just been out partying for the last decade or two being an irresponsible and unreliable adult. And it didn't help that Aura eventually moved with Cristian to Utah (Cristian would go back later to start and finish college).

 

I tried to not, but I had to ask Cristian if he mentioned the text he sent that put him, in my mind, as a pretty sketchy character. He didn't ask his dad about the text, but he did say, from what he saw during those 5 days, it seemed like it could be a flaw in his sense of humor. Let me just say that if it is his sense of humor, it's in really bad taste. But okay, if it's your sense of humor, there's not much I can say about it.

 

We talked about the differences in the stories. Who knows which one is true, or if there are bits of the truth in each story. We'll never know, and that's okay. But there are things in Cristian's mind that make his dad's story seem more likely. The biggest one being habits with money on his mom's side. Won't go into any details here, but in my experience as Cristian's wife-there's no denying the truth about this one. Cristian wonders if those early 4 years he somehow blocked, or, his words, he was "brainwashed". And it's sad, because in an indirect way I feel the same way too. When you hear one side of the story for so long-for Cristian, his whole life, and for me, since I've BEEN in his life-it's a rollercoaster to hear another set of circumstances that could very well be the truth.

 

We both feel like we've judged him to harshly. And how sad is that? To go all this time (and I mean, my time is NOTHING compared to Cristian's), thinking all of these terrible things about a person. His bad joke really put me over the edge to a point where I didn't want this guy stepping over the threshold into our home. I didn't want him near my daughter. I worried for Cristian and the influence this guy could have had over him. It seems now he's just a regular guy, with regular flaws, who tried, but it just didn't work out well.

I think we've been feeling a little sad since he came home, trying to process and understand why all of this happened to him, and also how something like this trickles down to other family members and puts a tainted truth in the mix. I don't know the whole of what Cristian thinks about his time in California, but I know I've been humbled and am taking this experience as a way to start fresh with Cristian's dad, and that whole other side to his family which Violet and I haven't met yet.

 

Things with family are complicated. They hurt sometimes. They don't make sense sometimes. And we may not always know the reason behind choices family members make. There's always more to the story then what you see on the outside, and I think that's the biggest lesson I personally learned from this. There is always more going on, then what you see on the outside.

 



2 Sides To Every Story, And the Effects. Part 1

I'm going to start this post with a warning.

 It is going to be very long.

 Very detailed.

And split into 2 parts

 And is all about my husband's life, in regards to his parents, up until 8 days ago.

 

It's with his permission I write this, and while I am mostly recording it for our own personal history, my blog is public and I know most of my readers are immediate and extended family (I have nothing against you non-family members btw!). This is a peek into his life, and I'll also be recording the effects his family has had on my relationship with Cristian as my husband. That's just inevitable.

 

Up until 3 days ago this is what I knew of Cristian's upbringing. The night Cristian's mom started having contractions she rode the bus, by herself, to the hospital. His dad hadn't been the best supporter and was out drinking the night she went into labor. He wouldn't or couldn't come to the hospital when they made contact and she asked him to. He did show up the next day though. It's really interesting to me that despite this, his mom would use the name his dad picked out for him: Cristian Alexis Navas. It's unclear as to whether ANYONE from her family came to be there with her that August night (although Cristian remembers something about his Aunt), or if she delivered and left the hospital independently with baby Cristian.
 

 He doesn't remember much from his early years. His mom worked full time on a taco truck, and he was making his own meals, at home, by the time he was about 5. As he entered school he would come home, maybe do some school work, and then play video games until about 5pm when his mom came home from work. It's important I note here, he grew up in Compton LA throughout the early 1990's. His mom remembers the Rodney King riots in 1992, and was even affected by the 1994 earthquake there. His mom remembers where they lived as a bad neighborhood. She talked about how she hated walking home at night because being mugged was a frequent occurrence. You'd hear gun shots occasionally and needed to be careful where you went, and what time of day you went there. You couldn't wear blue (solid blue) in his neighborhood because it was a Blood neighborhood. He was never in a gang, but to this day, Cristian's favorite color is red, and his least favorite blue. I've noticed it's not always a conscious thing, it's something which has literally been engrained into him. And I have the perfect example of this-I'll explain a little later on in this post. 

 

It was just him and his mom, for a very long time. Occasionally his mom would get a boyfriend, but none of them lasted until the man she is still with today, and is married to. They have 4 children.

 

Around 7 years old is when he remembers his biological dad starting to write him letters, and sending him gifts/money. Cristian never read the letters, and rarely saw any of money he sent, but what he does remember is his dad calling the house from time to time, and him and his mom getting into it over the phone....every...single...time. It was obviously a good choice they decided to end their  relationship but it's important to note Cristian never responded or even READ any of those letters because of the things his mom, and other family members told him about his dad.

 

That he wasn't there for his mom. That he hadn't tried to have a relationship with Cristian. That if he really cared he would send MORE money, and more gifts. And even more recently (recently as in 5 years), when Cristian graduated from college in California, not far from where his dad lives...why wouldn't he even show up for your graduation?

 

I'm not sure when the letters and gifts stopped coming again, but I know there was a break and it became mostly phone calls on birthdays, etc. The silence was broken again about a month before Cristian and I got married. Another note, I had found out I was pregnant a few months before. He called Cristian on his cellphone. And the first question he asked him was "Are you sure you want to marry this girl?"

 

I was enraged. At least that's how I describe the feeling at the time. But I've realized anger is rarely the primary reaction. Feeling hurt and sad is primary, feeling angry is secondary. Everything I had heard about this guy, and he wants to pop in and suddenly have an opinion about my fiancé's life? He wants to have an opinion about ME? And he wants to buy our unborn child gifts? Who is he to weigh in on who Cristian has fallen in love with, and has asked to marry him (twice, btw). You want to be a father now? This sums up how I felt.

 

He told Cristian he wanted to come over from California to visit. I was open to it, despite the phone call, until a text he sent Cristian just days before getting up into the valley. I won't go into the text. Just know, it was the worst possible thing me, as Cristian's wife (because we were married by this time) could have seen. And for him, it was the worst thing he could have done if we wanted to have ANY chance of a good impression with me. Also, pregnancy hormones. All openness went flying out the door. When he came up from California I wouldn't allowed him in our house. I had a problem with Cristian meeting with his dad, and I wrestled for a long time about whether or not I was going to be okay if he did, and if I would/could go with him/let him go. I'll spare all the dramatic details, because they WERE dramatic, but in the end, after crying one billion tears I didn't want Cristian to have to choose between the 2 of us, and went with Cristian to meet his dad for the first time, and to stand as a united front against this person who had tried to sabotage my new marriage to Cristian.

 

Anyway.

It wasn't a pleasant experience for me. I tried to be at least civil. I was 7-8 month pregnant at this time, bursting with estrogen, already pissed off beyond belief at this guy, and none of the commentary he offered up as we walked around SLC gave me anything positive to go off of. He tried to buy Cristian and I a stroller/car seat for Violet and I told him "No". No way we would be accepting anything for our daughter from this guy. Seriously. He didn't try to get into my good graces, and just as well because there was nothing he could have done to come even CLOSE to that happening.

 

Once he left, I breathed again. Kind of. He wanted to send money, and gifts, and I was suspicious. I felt like those things could potentially be things to hold over us if he ever wanted to see our daughter, technically his grand daughter...and there was no way I was having that either.

Cristian was understanding about all this by the way. Sure, there was tension whenever he was brought up, it was natural, but there was also ongoing tension anyways with me being so close to delivery and our lives being turned upside and backwards soon.  There was enough going on, without this huge...event..steamrolling into our lives. It was never a big enough thing that it caused major major problems though. That would have been stupid.

 

Violet was born, and our lives went on as usual-or not-because of a brand new baby and becoming brand new parents- with only the occasional phone call from Cristian's dad around Christmas time, and rarely out of the blue just so see how things are were going.

3 wonderful years have passed. Good times, bad times. We've grown so much and are continuing to learn more and more about each other. Our lives are filled up with Violet, and routine, and love, and daily grind on goings.

 

8 days ago, Cristian's stepmom passed away.  His dad's wife.

We found out through a strange and indirect way which I won't go into here, but after receiving an ominous FB message (right?) he quickly called his dad. Unfortunately, the news was confirmed as true. I didn't know how to feel, and why should that matter because someone's wife and best friend just passed away right, but it was....hard for me to distinguish how I felt in this moment. I felt myself still withholding forgiveness from this guy, which realizing and writing here is hard thing for me to admit. I'm ashamed of that. And not because this guys wife had just died-or maybe it was-I honestly don't know except it certainly was a trigger- because after 3 years, even though I hadn't really consciously thought about those initial impressions, it was clear in my heart ... I had hardly forgotten, and perhaps I wasn't entirely over it. I thought I could and would have been in all this time. Forgiveness was never a difficult thing for me, until encounters like this one. This bothers me, but I digress....

 

 We speculated together after their phone call if he should go out and spend some time with his dad and half brothers. That conversation didn't last long. We were confused. Stunned even. And we ended up just leaving it on the table until the next day.

 

The next day I woke up and knew he was going to tell me he felt like he needed to go. I knew this, because I felt the same way. I may not approve of this guy's morals, but if there was something, anything, my husband could do, to help him or the kids for a few days, I knew it was the right choice and a good thing. And I had an impression, despite my overall feelings of caution, all of this would be for his benefit and ultimately, he would gain from the experience...something. I didn't know what.. but I knew this mans life changing forever, would change my family forever also. I encouraged Cristian to learn more about his dad's life, to take lots of pictures with him, his dad, and his half brothers, and to really throw himself into this sobering experience.

 

We booked him a ticket and he started packing. Remember above where I mentioned the colors of the neighborhood are still something he subconsciously emits. He was packing, and I noticed he was being extremely selective, nothing with any type of blue. I asked him about it, and he said he must have gone into that "mode". Interesting.He was gone the next day.
 I didn't hear much from Cristian while he was in California. He was busy helping his dad with the children, his half brothers who he had never met, funeral arrangements, family drama, and all the tedious paperwork which must make a death just...that much harder, and painful to get through. We video called in the morning and at night, and texted a little bit throughout the days, because I had my own things to do with Violet-though we did have the opportunity to briefly meet his brothers over video call, and speak to his dad. He was gone for 5 days.

 

And what I learned when he came home from this trip, is the 2nd side to the story.

 

Motherhood// What It Is

Motherhood Is:

 

listening the same song 50 times in a row. (baby beluga and let it go are current favorites)

having the power to heal skinned knees or hurt feelings with a kiss

finding rocks in the washer and dryer from the pockets of little girl jeans

handling someone else's pee, poop, boogers, and tears

willingly giving up the your last bite of a super delicious meal

pulling over the car to see all the big brown cows

being in a perpetual state of service

A Birthday//

 



The prettiest little cake you ever saw.

Blurry Violet(a theme in these photos), but some more pretty photos of her cake surrounded my juicy ripe strawberries.

The pinata! I actually made this one (thanks Pinterest) and we figured if it wasn't in the shape of an animal (last year was a donkey) then perhaps she would be a little less traumatized and more excited about hitting it with a broom! Hence, the watermelon! It was successful in that she got really into it, I perhaps made the sucker a little to sturdy for 3 year old muscles. Luckily the family pitched in and helped. And it down poured the night of her birthday party, so all plans of hanging the thing on the basketball hoop went out the window. Thanks dad for being the piñata holder. 

Talisa getting a little crazy with the watermelon.

Eventually Tori cracked it open and out flowed the goodies!

This year we kind of scrambled to throw together a party for her. We had a family emergency come up and Cristian needed to get to California pronto but we didn't want him to miss the party part of her birthday! So thankful most of my family could show up last minute and we could celebrate dear Violet turning the big 3!

A Few Things

First off, a non scale victory. I've slowly been getting myself to bed earlier and earlier. I know, it's only taken me about 6 months to start this part of my healthy resolutions FOR REAL. And this morning I woke up at 6am to go the gym. Worked out from 630-730am then rushed home because I thought Cristian had to be at work at 8am. Turns out he got to sleep in an extra  hour and didn't need the car till' 9am...which means I could have slept for about another hour also. Oh well though. I went, did some interval treadmill workouts, watched Law&Order and actually enjoyed it.

Cristian also actually committed to working out tonight, and he did a nice little circuit of bodyweight exercises. I'm really proud of him.

I also managed not to give in and nap this afternoon, because it would have made it harder to go to bed tonight. So, hopefully I can get up at the same time tomorrow and do it all over again.



Had a rough experience the other night with Violet. She kept waking up with shrieks of terror and when we'd go into her room to see what the problem was she would say she "saw something". The first time we didn't really take it seriously, she's been having nightmares lately about ants and such and we thought maybe she'd had a little dream. We put her back into bed. About a half hour later the same thing happened. Shrieking, terror, lots of tears because she "saw something". I had a feeling to move her crib out from the wall but I was tired and grumpy and just wanted this girl to go to bed so that I COULD GO TO BED AS WELL. Calmed her down, put her back in bed, went back to bed myself. About another half hour goes by-same thing. This time I turned the light on and pulled her crib away from the wall and guess what I found...  A GIGANTIC HAIRY SPIDER. Violet flipped her lid and I had to call Cristian from our room to come get rid of it while I calmed down my girl.

Ugh. I felt terrible.
I mean I really felt like a terrible person.
I should have listened to that prompting but I didn't and now she's afraid of tiny little fruit flies.
My fault, these are the consequences.
I'll work with it but man......I do feel horrible about not taking her seriously.


I was sitting out at my parents house with my older sister Jasmin. We were watching the rain and a hummingbird came by the feeder to grab a drink. Jasmin recalled a memory I kind of forgot about. When we lived in our old  house we had feeders everywhere. One day my dad put on bright red lipstick and held sugar water in his mouth to try and get a hummingbird to drink out of it. It actually worked! Too bad we didn't get any pictures and we probably couldn't convince him to do it again.
My dad is really cool.


Cristian and I started listening to the podcast "Serial" together. We've only finished the first episode but there are 11 more and we are hooked already, so that's new.

Does this count as an update?

Because

- because I know it will make me a more energized person
- because it will help me get more sleep
- because my skin and hair will be more healthy
- because I used to be a morning person
- because I used to LIKE being a morning person
- because getting into a better routine will do wonders for my mental state
- because it's easier to do it in the morning, then go at the end of a long day
- because it makes more sense if I want to be able to have dinner with my family at night
- because I should be taking better advantage of my gym membership
- because who knows? maybe there are less people there in the morning
- because it will keep my metabolic rate up faster throughout the day
- because I just spent an hour food prepping for the week ( at least until Friday)
- because being active makes me happy
- because I know I can do anything I set my mind to
- because I want to do this for me, and only me.
- because I plan on having lots of adventures, climbing lots of mountain, and swimming in all the seas
- because after having a baby, and devoting all my time to her, I can do something for myself too.
- because I don't have to feel guilty anymore
- because the honeymoon Cristian and I never got to have is coming up in August
- because being tired sucks, especially when doing small tasks
- because I want to run far, and long, and at a good pace, because I know I can
- because I'm tired of having back problems, and other annoying aches and pains
- because I want to go sky diving


- because I need to, starting now.

Snippets// Exploring Spring Hollow #2

 

Violet from the backseat: "Mama, what are we going to do today mama?"

Me: "I dunno, what would you LIKE to do today babe?"

Violet: "Mama, you like the mountains"

Me: "Yes I do Violet, they are beautiful."

Violet: "Okay, let's go to the mountains mama!"

 

Violet's shoes finally dried from our last occasion in the rain, so naturally we had to go get them soaked again. This time we took an umbrella (which Vi wanted absolutely nothing to do with-and rightly so!) and strolled down the River Trail on the west side of Spring Hollow. It was freezing, but the weather didn't slow this baby down for a second. I don't remember enjoying being outside so much when I was her age. I was afraid of bugs (any bugs), and dirt was never really my thing (at least as far as I know). Things obviously changed but not for a very long time. There was a time (and I can't remember how old I was) but my family decided to have a picnic at a park, I could see little bugs flying around and would NOT get out of the car to eat. Pathetic. But hey, that's how it was and all I can say now is I'm glad I grew out of those particular quirks. I still have a thing with spiders in the house, and will clean our little home top to bottom if I find one hiding somewhere (and make Cristian use Raid in all the hard-to-access corners), but I think that's reasonable. Totally reasonable.

 

Anyway, I don't want Violet to be like that. I don't want her to be afraid of insects, or animals in general. Do I want her to be safe around potentially dangerous one, of course, but I do NOT want my fears as a child to be hers. I think that's part of the reason we go on these excursions. There are plenty of bugs and mud (she does have a thing with getting dirty once she REALIZES she's dirty) and nature and fresh air and so many other good things about it. And maybe if I push her to find bugs interesting and keep teaching her cool things about them then she'll be less like I was growing up.

 

So far so good in that department, if you minus 2 days ago when she came running and crying into our bedroom, panicked about a "snake" in the living room which turned out to be a caterpillar (why were you there mr. caterpillar? so random). Sighs. I suppose she's bound to have some of her mama's quibbles. But she's making me better. I actually go OUT in the winter, in the snow, and cold, and wet, because she's a snow bunny and loves every part of it. And if I'm honest, it's a lot more fun to experience things with someone who's still relatively new to it. She's my best friend and I can't believe she will be 3 this month.

 

After all the running and jumping and getting wet and muddy we came home and I popped Violet into a warm bath, which she almost fell asleep in. After getting her dry and snug she's been sleeping for the last 2 hours and it's almost time to go get her dad. My favorite thing in the world is watching her wake up so....gonna go do that! Happy early Mother's Day to all you lovely ladies!

 



Snippets// Smithfield Canyon

[spaceship]

This week Vi and I had the chance to go up Smithfield Canyon for a little walk with Teresa and her darling little girl Nova. I hadn't seen Teresa in years (since high school) and it was nice to get together while she was in town and have the kids wear themselves out and get some fresh air. It was rainy, windy, and Violet's favorite :MUDDY!  Her rainbow shoes are still drying out from the adventure of being totally soaked via muddy puddle jumping. They threw rocks in the river, built a "spaceship", sat on stumps, checked out a cold bumble bee clinging to a dandelion, saw some spider houses, a very large black and red ant and a potato bug! There was a rainbow rock to jump off of, logs to balance on, tall grass to get lost in, and lots of sprinting up and down the road by Violet.

 

I forgot how beautiful this canyon is, it made me nostalgic for the days when I would bike up there every single day during the summers and the glorious ride down with no hands and wind whipping through my hair, the campfires with high school friends, snowshoeing, oh and the couple of times last year Cristian and I jogged the trail from the first gate to the second (if you keep going past it leads to Tony's Grove) in our attempt to train for a mud run later on towards that fall.

 

Gorgeous canyon, muddy fun, good company, and an afternoon well spent in my book.

Non Scale Victory

This afternoon after taking Cristian back to work, Violet and I wandered around town trying to find her some new summer sandals. I ended up looking at some other things while I was there, house stuff, clearance items, etc. I decided to try on some swim suits.
That right there was a huge risk, and what happened next proved it.
My whole weight loss/healthy resolutions journey I've made about how I feel as opposed to how I look. We don't have a full length mirror in our house, and I threw out our scale a LONG time ago because it would just get me down.
If I think hard about how I FEEL in my body it's much easier for me to keep making better decisions about the lifestyle I have, and the lifestyle I want. When you feel good, it feels good to keep going. If I feel good, and then look in the mirror and feel like I don't LOOK good, I give up.

Anyway, trying on swim suits resulted in tears in the dressing room and feelings of worthlessness and ugliness on the way home. Once home though I looked through a board I created on Pinterest labeled "Working On", selected a quick 20 minute work out to engage in and got to it.


Huge leap.
Coming home and stuffing my face with something in unhealthy proportions is more out of the Chelsea playbook then putting on some workout gear when I feel like a bag of fat and pounding out a workout. So, go me.

And I thought I would make a list of all the things I love about myself and my body right now:

1. I can run 4 miles in an hour. And I'm getting closer to 5 every day.
2. My late night snacking is slowly but consistently getting better all the time.
3. I did a hardcore treadmill interval workout last night and felt absolutely amazing afterwards.
4. I'm no longer self conscious AT ALL about walking into the gym.
5. I fought and won the urge to binge today at lunch.
6. I'm getting better at meal prep.
7. I really want to go out into my kitchen right now and bake up some chocolate chips cookies, but I'm going to make Violet and I a fruit salad instead.

Cheers!

Goals// May

1. Perfect a pretty omelet;  a gorgeous, fluffy, colorful, healthy, non scrambled egg like, omelet.
2. Listen to the podcast "Serial".
3. Turn the random door in our living room into a place for Violet's artwork to be displayed. Finally.
4. Edit my closet
5. Get a fresh playlist on my ipod.
6. Watermelon nails.