Yep, this 2nd week is proving a little bit harder than the first week. I don't think anything has really changed with her, but the lack of sleep is really starting to catch up with me I think.
Cristian woke up to both of us crying last night. My poor man.
Things will get better though. And some exciting news- hopefully this weekend we're going fishing and camping. We tried for catfish yesterday and I had a really good time. Sure, it was mostly just sitting there but it was relaxing and it felt awesome to be doing something with my cute little family. Didn't get any pictures because I forgot my camera at my parents house. Next time though.
Also we went and did some shopping for Violet. Neither one of us had bought her anything until yesterday (we've been really blessed with people giving her gifts-so nice of everyone!). We got her a couple new outfits we really like. It was fun. The next thing we need to do (according to Cristian) is get me a new belt. None of my pants stay up (which is great!) but... yeah kinda annoying.
I found one in the mall, but I couldn't be bothered asking the lady to get it down for me. Cristian said we will go back after he gets off work and HE'LL ask one of the store employees if they'll get it down for me. He really wants me to get a belt.
So I guess that's what we're doing tonight :D
For now, while grandma is watching my little one I'm going to make some cookies, and possibly start on dinner for tonight.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Friday, May 25, 2012
Trickster Child
So Violet is 7 days old, and I'm baffled about where the last 7 days went. I mean seriously... a week has gone by? It feels like I was just in the hospital meeting her for the first time yesterday. This week has obviously been a challenge. She's a tricky little girl, and with her jaundice it's big a challenge to get on a schedule with her. She's extremely sleepy and very hard to wake up to feed. And I feel mean when I've got to wake her from her coma slumber. It's good for her though, that's what I keep saying.
She does this thing where, when I'm changing her diaper, she pees all over her mom. She doesn't do it with Cristian. Just me. Not sure why it happens but she could pee all over me all day long and I wouldn't love her any less, or want to spend any less time with her. She's my world. And I've never felt so needed in my entire life. The last 9 months (10) I've had a hard time trying to find purpose with what I was doing with my life. I mean, I was pregnant, got married in a whirlwind of time (because it was right) and since then hadn't had much to do except sit around and wait. And be frustrated. And wait some more. And deal with the discomfort. And wait some more. With her here, I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
Sure it's hard. And with the chemical changes going on with my body, and the recovery part of things I've more then once burst into hysterics for no reason. The other day I was in the mall at Motherhood trying on nursing things and for whatever reason I started to feel overwhelmed and broke down in the changing room. Cristian's being so good to me. He hates it when I cry and likes even less when I simply can't explain to him WHY I'm crying. He's been incredibly patient and is so good with Violet.
We're working on it. And I know things will get better for me as I continue to recover.
Yesterday we went down to the big city with my parents and aunt and uncle. I was worried that we would be an annoyance on the little trip with diaper changes and sporadic feeding times and while there was some of that, it was the right thing to do. Get out, walk around, enjoy some sunshine, spend time with my relatives. It was good. And something we'll continue to do.
Tomorrow I'm going on a walk with Cristian's mom and Violet. She needs to see her some more since the last time they all came over I threw a new mom fit. Sighs.
Last night Cristian was the only one to get some real sleep. So today I'm spending time with her out at my parents ( going to hand her over for a few hours) while I catch up on some sleep and do some other things ( like update this blog).
She's beautiful.
I can't get over it.
She does this thing where, when I'm changing her diaper, she pees all over her mom. She doesn't do it with Cristian. Just me. Not sure why it happens but she could pee all over me all day long and I wouldn't love her any less, or want to spend any less time with her. She's my world. And I've never felt so needed in my entire life. The last 9 months (10) I've had a hard time trying to find purpose with what I was doing with my life. I mean, I was pregnant, got married in a whirlwind of time (because it was right) and since then hadn't had much to do except sit around and wait. And be frustrated. And wait some more. And deal with the discomfort. And wait some more. With her here, I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
Sure it's hard. And with the chemical changes going on with my body, and the recovery part of things I've more then once burst into hysterics for no reason. The other day I was in the mall at Motherhood trying on nursing things and for whatever reason I started to feel overwhelmed and broke down in the changing room. Cristian's being so good to me. He hates it when I cry and likes even less when I simply can't explain to him WHY I'm crying. He's been incredibly patient and is so good with Violet.
We're working on it. And I know things will get better for me as I continue to recover.
Yesterday we went down to the big city with my parents and aunt and uncle. I was worried that we would be an annoyance on the little trip with diaper changes and sporadic feeding times and while there was some of that, it was the right thing to do. Get out, walk around, enjoy some sunshine, spend time with my relatives. It was good. And something we'll continue to do.
Tomorrow I'm going on a walk with Cristian's mom and Violet. She needs to see her some more since the last time they all came over I threw a new mom fit. Sighs.
Last night Cristian was the only one to get some real sleep. So today I'm spending time with her out at my parents ( going to hand her over for a few hours) while I catch up on some sleep and do some other things ( like update this blog).
She's beautiful.
I can't get over it.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Violet A.
Yep, my baby girl is here!
Which is probably the reason I haven't been able to update this thing. I figure my excuse is a valid one. It all began on May 17th. I started having contractions around 430pm. Cristian was out to lunch with his friends and his phone was dead. I know right? Awesome.
All good though, once they were timing at about 7 minutes apart we figured it was high time to try and get a hold of him. Luckily I was able to through his friend and we were home together in a few minutes sitting and timing, etc.
I've never had cramps before, so I wasn't particularly sure on when I was supposed to go in based on a pain scale. We headed in around 9pm when they were about 4 minutes apart. Up at the hospital they hooked me up to everything, watched me for an hour and then told us to go home. I was shocked. The lady also said if I made it to my next appointment ( four days later) to mention it to my doctor. I almost started laughing, though we did get in the car and head home.
Once there they began getting worse, peaking-for me- around 2 in the morning. I could barely walk and getting to the car, the ride there, getting out of the car, and making my way up to labor and delivery was pretty awful. Once back in there, and hooked up they confirmed that I was indeed in labor. Thank goodness to.
I tried to go natural, but after a few hours I could no longer focus and some anesthesia was the right thing to do. Somehow a few hours later they managed to get the epidural in. Cristian was a champ through the whole thing. Especially with the epidural. I COULD NOT have done that part without him. He held my hands and made me look at him and helped me breathe in and out. It was amazing that I lost the ability to figure that part out on my own. And the position they had me in to stick me with it made me feel as though I wanted to push. It was all very uncomfortable and physically traumatic. Once the epidural was in everything went numb and I passed out for the majority of the labor part. Once it came time to push I was up and ready to give it a try.
I pushed for about 20 minutes and out she slid at 1230pm.
I would try and describe how I felt about seeing her for the first time in detail, but it's not something I can do. All I can say is I've never cried so many tears out of sheer joy and happiness. And never felt so accomplished in my entire life. Or ever seen anything as beautiful as my sweet baby girl- in the entire world.
And that doesn't even come CLOSE to explaining the moment with justice.
It's been quite the transition. And I've had some hiccups along the way. Dealing with the doctors snatching her away here and there, not getting enough sleep, the families, etc. It's all part of the experience and I'm trying really hard to adjust but.. it is hard.
Anyways, we're working on it. And she's amazing.
Pictures to follow soon.
:D
Which is probably the reason I haven't been able to update this thing. I figure my excuse is a valid one. It all began on May 17th. I started having contractions around 430pm. Cristian was out to lunch with his friends and his phone was dead. I know right? Awesome.
All good though, once they were timing at about 7 minutes apart we figured it was high time to try and get a hold of him. Luckily I was able to through his friend and we were home together in a few minutes sitting and timing, etc.
I've never had cramps before, so I wasn't particularly sure on when I was supposed to go in based on a pain scale. We headed in around 9pm when they were about 4 minutes apart. Up at the hospital they hooked me up to everything, watched me for an hour and then told us to go home. I was shocked. The lady also said if I made it to my next appointment ( four days later) to mention it to my doctor. I almost started laughing, though we did get in the car and head home.
Once there they began getting worse, peaking-for me- around 2 in the morning. I could barely walk and getting to the car, the ride there, getting out of the car, and making my way up to labor and delivery was pretty awful. Once back in there, and hooked up they confirmed that I was indeed in labor. Thank goodness to.
I tried to go natural, but after a few hours I could no longer focus and some anesthesia was the right thing to do. Somehow a few hours later they managed to get the epidural in. Cristian was a champ through the whole thing. Especially with the epidural. I COULD NOT have done that part without him. He held my hands and made me look at him and helped me breathe in and out. It was amazing that I lost the ability to figure that part out on my own. And the position they had me in to stick me with it made me feel as though I wanted to push. It was all very uncomfortable and physically traumatic. Once the epidural was in everything went numb and I passed out for the majority of the labor part. Once it came time to push I was up and ready to give it a try.
I pushed for about 20 minutes and out she slid at 1230pm.
I would try and describe how I felt about seeing her for the first time in detail, but it's not something I can do. All I can say is I've never cried so many tears out of sheer joy and happiness. And never felt so accomplished in my entire life. Or ever seen anything as beautiful as my sweet baby girl- in the entire world.
And that doesn't even come CLOSE to explaining the moment with justice.
It's been quite the transition. And I've had some hiccups along the way. Dealing with the doctors snatching her away here and there, not getting enough sleep, the families, etc. It's all part of the experience and I'm trying really hard to adjust but.. it is hard.
Anyways, we're working on it. And she's amazing.
Pictures to follow soon.
:D
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Babies Babies Everywhere!
So today I am feeling extremely blessed. After Cristian went to work I slowly and groggily made my way out to the kitchen ( I couldn't wake up all the way when he was trying to say goodbye). The curtains my mum made me have made SUCH an amazing difference. There was light and happiness in the kitchen and I wanted to be there. For the most part since we've moved in (I do love my apartment, don't get me wrong but it is dark) I haven't really enjoyed spending time there by myself because of the lighting. The curtains have helped so much, and I think the other changes I'm planning on making will also create a huge difference in the mood and feeling in our home. My family has been helping me make those changes and I'm so grateful for them.
The crib also helps. I was walking by our bedroom door this morning while getting some laundry done and I saw it in there. She's coming so soon and today I'm more excited then anxious.
More blessings? Yes.
We have a ton of baby ducks living in the canal by our house. Going outside and watching them, tossing them bread and just enjoying being outside has also been doing WONDERS for me. And I like knowing my sister lives down the road and also sees the ducks waddling up and down the stream. I'm in a good place right now and having her so close to being here I couldn't be more grateful for everything that's going on in my life right now.
I even had enough energy this morning to make Cristian a good lunch.
Ramen Stir-fry- kinda cheap but it works for us. Just throw Ramen noodles in a frying pan with whatever vegetables you want (I used frozen peas and carrots) and let the noodles cook until they are the way you like them. Add the seasoning and there ya go. Next we had some left over moose. So I cooked that up and threw it in the mix also. He really liked it, even though the noodles were a little soft. And we have some left overs.
I'm feeling more and more like myself and things are heading in the right direction.
Today's been and will continue to be a good day.
:D
Here are some pictures. The first one is of the baby robins that have hatched in my mom's Christmas wreath she forgot to take down. The second is at first dam. Cristian and I went there Sunday and saw a mommy duck with her 11 babies. I love this season.
God is amazing. And I'm thankful for the tender mercies and miracles he's allowing to happen in my life.
The crib also helps. I was walking by our bedroom door this morning while getting some laundry done and I saw it in there. She's coming so soon and today I'm more excited then anxious.
More blessings? Yes.
We have a ton of baby ducks living in the canal by our house. Going outside and watching them, tossing them bread and just enjoying being outside has also been doing WONDERS for me. And I like knowing my sister lives down the road and also sees the ducks waddling up and down the stream. I'm in a good place right now and having her so close to being here I couldn't be more grateful for everything that's going on in my life right now.
I even had enough energy this morning to make Cristian a good lunch.
Ramen Stir-fry- kinda cheap but it works for us. Just throw Ramen noodles in a frying pan with whatever vegetables you want (I used frozen peas and carrots) and let the noodles cook until they are the way you like them. Add the seasoning and there ya go. Next we had some left over moose. So I cooked that up and threw it in the mix also. He really liked it, even though the noodles were a little soft. And we have some left overs.
I'm feeling more and more like myself and things are heading in the right direction.
Today's been and will continue to be a good day.
:D
Here are some pictures. The first one is of the baby robins that have hatched in my mom's Christmas wreath she forgot to take down. The second is at first dam. Cristian and I went there Sunday and saw a mommy duck with her 11 babies. I love this season.
God is amazing. And I'm thankful for the tender mercies and miracles he's allowing to happen in my life.
Monday, May 14, 2012
10 days
Finally have a crib, one less thing to worry about.
Appt went well, no further progress though. Neither one of us have gained any weight.
I've been doing some house things.
Finally washed all the windows and cut down the growth around them, mom made new lacy curtains for me that let in MUCH more light, and things are looking better.
Still would like to paint the blue wall yellow, get a bright blanket and pillows for the scoop chair and the black couch, find some kind of wild and funky print to put above our fireplace, and fill the fireplace with a flower box. Our apartment is dark and unhappy. Just trying to brighten it up.
Summer is here! :D
Appt went well, no further progress though. Neither one of us have gained any weight.
I've been doing some house things.
Finally washed all the windows and cut down the growth around them, mom made new lacy curtains for me that let in MUCH more light, and things are looking better.
Still would like to paint the blue wall yellow, get a bright blanket and pillows for the scoop chair and the black couch, find some kind of wild and funky print to put above our fireplace, and fill the fireplace with a flower box. Our apartment is dark and unhappy. Just trying to brighten it up.
Summer is here! :D
Friday, May 11, 2012
Counting Down
Yeah. I think it's safe to say we both are, at this point, becoming impatient. With a little under 2 weeks to go I'm pretty tired and for some reason extremely testy. I'm not meaning to be. I think I've done a pretty good job my entire pregnancy of keeping the hormones to a minimum. Perhaps in trying so hard I repressed everything and now the festering monstrosity is all coming out. Sighs. My poor husband. We still haven't received any word on the crib we were supposed to be getting, and I'm worried because we really just can't afford to buy one right now. It wasn't really in our plan to be purchasing one so I guess we'll see what happens here in the next few days. May a miracle happen right?
We're a little frustrated with the Dr. we've been going to. Don't get me wrong, she's great. But I would like to deliver my baby vaginally, and not through a c-section. I feel my reasons are valid. It's healthier for me and the baby to do it that way, the recovery time is shorter, your chances of having to do it again with future children is MUCH higher-so I don't want to, and I feel as though the "accomplishment" factor will be greater if I can do it naturally and without surgery. And let's be honest, I really don't want a scar either ( I already have enough thank you very much) and I've heard it's a complicated thing when you're trying to breast feed. Of course no one I know has any experience with this so I can't really find anyone to talk to about it. My Dr. thinks she's 8lbs right now. Which would put her close to 10 lbs if I go full term and a week over (which is when they would decide to induce me). In that case the chances of me having to deliver her via C-section are greater, and it bothers me she would wait until that point. It's my body, it's my baby. But I feel as though I have no say in it.
My older sister Jasmin contacted me the other day and I asked her about her situation. She decided to be induced 2 weeks early because of a similar situation and had zero regrets about it. Sighs. I just don't know what to do. My next appt is on Monday-hopefully I'm dilated more and something can be arranged. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A C-SECTION. But everyone's acting like this desire is totally crazed or something. What's so hard to understand about it?
2 more payments and the shop is closed.
I guess there's ANOTHER thing we need to add to the list of things to get paid off, so we can't quite start with Snap-On yet because we have this other dealing..to deal with. They just keep coming up-really we just need to sit down and have everything laid out because all these surprises, along with everything else are making me really agitated.
I've been trying to think of things I can do to keep my own sanity. So I'm doing an inspiration board, and yesterday I bought some pretty boxes to put some of Violet's things in. (Pictures to come). Today I need to go and find a cork board, buy some pins and some kind of "over the door" hanger to attach it to. Also need to pic up a frame for my Bob Dylan poster, and maybe FINALLY print out some of our wedding pictures to put in the album we received at the wedding.
Also on my list of things to keep me busy today while Cristian is at work:
Fill up the car.
Pull out money for the shop.
Transfer some money into our Emergency Fund.
Grocery shopping. Other shopping. (light bulbs, soap, dust pan/brush)
And $30 spending money for Cristian to play with for the week.
Finding another bin for Violet's things.
Look up and find a place where we can both learn to kiak.
Try out the rice cooker (Mum bought Cristian one has an early b-day present).
Make a meal plan for the week (I haven't done this..ever. We'll see what happens)
And, if I get brave enough (clean the windows inside and out)-I'm planning on making some new curtains also- some that let in more light because our basement apartment is very dark. Yellow? White? We'll see.
Yesterday was Cristian's day off. We didn't do much, but we did spend some time outside at the dam. The ducks are having their babies and it was pretty fun to see:
We're a little frustrated with the Dr. we've been going to. Don't get me wrong, she's great. But I would like to deliver my baby vaginally, and not through a c-section. I feel my reasons are valid. It's healthier for me and the baby to do it that way, the recovery time is shorter, your chances of having to do it again with future children is MUCH higher-so I don't want to, and I feel as though the "accomplishment" factor will be greater if I can do it naturally and without surgery. And let's be honest, I really don't want a scar either ( I already have enough thank you very much) and I've heard it's a complicated thing when you're trying to breast feed. Of course no one I know has any experience with this so I can't really find anyone to talk to about it. My Dr. thinks she's 8lbs right now. Which would put her close to 10 lbs if I go full term and a week over (which is when they would decide to induce me). In that case the chances of me having to deliver her via C-section are greater, and it bothers me she would wait until that point. It's my body, it's my baby. But I feel as though I have no say in it.
My older sister Jasmin contacted me the other day and I asked her about her situation. She decided to be induced 2 weeks early because of a similar situation and had zero regrets about it. Sighs. I just don't know what to do. My next appt is on Monday-hopefully I'm dilated more and something can be arranged. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE A C-SECTION. But everyone's acting like this desire is totally crazed or something. What's so hard to understand about it?
2 more payments and the shop is closed.
I guess there's ANOTHER thing we need to add to the list of things to get paid off, so we can't quite start with Snap-On yet because we have this other dealing..to deal with. They just keep coming up-really we just need to sit down and have everything laid out because all these surprises, along with everything else are making me really agitated.
I've been trying to think of things I can do to keep my own sanity. So I'm doing an inspiration board, and yesterday I bought some pretty boxes to put some of Violet's things in. (Pictures to come). Today I need to go and find a cork board, buy some pins and some kind of "over the door" hanger to attach it to. Also need to pic up a frame for my Bob Dylan poster, and maybe FINALLY print out some of our wedding pictures to put in the album we received at the wedding.
Also on my list of things to keep me busy today while Cristian is at work:
Fill up the car.
Pull out money for the shop.
Transfer some money into our Emergency Fund.
Grocery shopping. Other shopping. (light bulbs, soap, dust pan/brush)
And $30 spending money for Cristian to play with for the week.
Finding another bin for Violet's things.
Look up and find a place where we can both learn to kiak.
Try out the rice cooker (Mum bought Cristian one has an early b-day present).
Make a meal plan for the week (I haven't done this..ever. We'll see what happens)
And, if I get brave enough (clean the windows inside and out)-I'm planning on making some new curtains also- some that let in more light because our basement apartment is very dark. Yellow? White? We'll see.
Yesterday was Cristian's day off. We didn't do much, but we did spend some time outside at the dam. The ducks are having their babies and it was pretty fun to see:
Monday, May 7, 2012
Walks
I'm dilated to 1 cm!
It's not much, I realize this, but I haven't felt that kind of relief in a really long time. I'm also 60% effaced-I'm still confused as to what this actually means, but I know it's good. And I'm glad that I'm seeing some kind of progress towards labor. Please baby, come soon so I don't have to do a C-section ( she's 8 lbs right now). I talked to my doctor a little bit more about the epidural and I guess we'll just stick with my plan. See how things go, play it by the moments and see what happens.
It was nice to hear I was progressing.
My weight is still great. I put on a 1lb this week, but it's normal. It's kind of NOT normal I've been the same for the past 6 weeks so.. not to worried about that. Just need to keep walking and eating healthy, etc etc.
We are for sure getting the crib this week, and I want to start working on a mobile thing to put above it for her. I've been looking on Pinterest ( yes, totally addicted) and I've found some really cute ideas. We also received a ton more clothes from Cristian's parents. I don't know where they're getting them. And I am appreciative. I wish we had more money though so I could pick out things I like and I want her to wear. Guess we'll see what happens. And we don't know how big she's going to be-what will fit, what won't. What we really need is more diapers. Sighs.
Anyways, that's the good news.
We're doing great :D
It's not much, I realize this, but I haven't felt that kind of relief in a really long time. I'm also 60% effaced-I'm still confused as to what this actually means, but I know it's good. And I'm glad that I'm seeing some kind of progress towards labor. Please baby, come soon so I don't have to do a C-section ( she's 8 lbs right now). I talked to my doctor a little bit more about the epidural and I guess we'll just stick with my plan. See how things go, play it by the moments and see what happens.
It was nice to hear I was progressing.
My weight is still great. I put on a 1lb this week, but it's normal. It's kind of NOT normal I've been the same for the past 6 weeks so.. not to worried about that. Just need to keep walking and eating healthy, etc etc.
We are for sure getting the crib this week, and I want to start working on a mobile thing to put above it for her. I've been looking on Pinterest ( yes, totally addicted) and I've found some really cute ideas. We also received a ton more clothes from Cristian's parents. I don't know where they're getting them. And I am appreciative. I wish we had more money though so I could pick out things I like and I want her to wear. Guess we'll see what happens. And we don't know how big she's going to be-what will fit, what won't. What we really need is more diapers. Sighs.
Anyways, that's the good news.
We're doing great :D
Saturday, May 5, 2012
Avengers and The Epidural
Really loving this song lately.
So tonight we have tickets to go and see "The Avengers". Cristian's been freaking out about it for a couple months now, so why he waited until yesterday afternoon to look and see if tickets were available is kind of beyond me. So I spent the better part of my day driving around to all the movie theaters ( when I told him it would be easier to just buy the tickets online) to see if they had open seats. He was at work. None of them did, so I went online and bought our tickets (I know things, he should learn this). So tonight at 9pm we're going. Not sure why I am, I'm not really into it and with how uncomfortable I feel, sitting in a movie for 2 hours really doesn't sound appealing. He was quite insistent though- I don't understand him sometimes. Connor is coming to which will be fun. We love Connor.
I think it would be hilarious ( and SO choice) if my water decides to break while we're going in, or even while we're sitting in the theater. I would like something to happen. I don't care if my labor is long and my delivery is hard-I'm ready for this little one to start making her way into the world. Bring on those contractions please!!
On that note with our birthing classes I wanted to share this little gem:
He looks pretty good right? And what a good sport he was. I think it was a good experience for him-but yeah-as far as this goes I definitely had more fun with this is particular. I liked the class and the instructor was pretty funny. I didn't necessarily learn a whole bunch of new things, but I think it was valuable information for Cristian to have. There are things that have gone on, and will go on with the rest of my pregnancy I feel will be good for him to know about and understand more. And him having a little bit more understanding as to what my body has gone through for the past 10 months is good for him to know. It hasn't been easy..even though my pregnancy has been a breeze as far as pregnancies in general go. I think it was good for him to understand what will go on with me after our little girl is here also. The recovery, things that may or may not present themselves. I secretly think the class is mostly for the men of the women heading into this situation :D.
She talked about the epidural. I knew I wouldn't like hearing about it, and I prayed they wouldn't show up the needle (which they didn't-except on a little diagram via powerpoint). Just talking about it was enough to make me question whether or not it was something I wanted to do. I kind of started to panic and there are a lot of things I guess I didn't really understand about it. The point is, I'm now thinking about going natural. And I feel very calm about it. Maybe this sounds crazy, but the thought of a needle that big piercing into my spine ( and all the variables that could cause negative things to happen because of it) are more scary to me then pushing her out with no medication.
I think my plan for now is this: Play it by ear, and feel the moments. Plan on going natural but if things get to a point where I just can't handle the pain or it becomes more dangerous for me to try because she's big then to go with it (and hopefully it's still at a time when they are able to administer it to me).
Cristian is good with whatever ( and I guess if I was the husband in this situation I would leave it entirely up to my wife). I hope he's ready, and for the most part I think he is. I had a dream last night, it was about him washing Violets hair for the first time. It made me very happy. And I hope he lasts through everything and doesn't pass out. I need him! I think he's just as ready as I am to have her here, or at least be far enough along where we're up at the hospital getting ready for everything.
She's dropped lower. I have my next appt this coming Monday and hopefully I'm dilated to SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
Some good news:
We're paying off the shop this month. All my stuff is in for Medicaid. And I finally got my ticket situation taken care of. Some more things we can check off our list!
Love our life.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Birthing Classes & Hallucinations
Yes, we are in the middle of taking birthing classes. I wasn't sure whether or not we would go through with it, mostly because we heard such horrible things about it. It wasn't helpful, waste of money, blah blah blah but I'm glad we're taking it. I feel (already with just one class period done) a little more prepared for what will happen once I enter the hospital. And I believe much of the information is valuable for Cristian to know about since he's going to be my birthing coach.
It's all winding down so quickly. I can't believe how fast everything has happened and how close we are. My pregnancy has been a breeze and it has flown by quickly. It could be because in the middle of all of this I was planning our wedding, we were working out where to live and gunning for jobs for Cristian. May have sped up the process with all those things going on in the middle of this chaos. I feel ready for her to be here.
It's funny.
I say that to people and all of them say "Well, you say that now but after about a week you'll wish she was back in your womb". I've been told numerous times that the "real" work will begin once she's here and I'm expecting things to change a lot. I'm expecting exhaustion and frustration. I expect to feel inadequate, as a wife and mother, as I try and get into a routine of things and get used to her-and find ways to make Cristian a part of the process. But mostly I'm just expecting myself to feel accomplished for making it through my pregnancy (and delivering a live human child), and happy to have my little girl to start a life with. She's going to be beautiful.
My pregnancy has been haunted with everyone's horror stories about what happened with their process and what happened with their labor and delivery, and all the things they-for some reason- feel a need to warn me about. Endless people have told me myths and do's and don'ts so ridiculous it would blow anyone's mind. It's like people have felt a need to scare me about everything. I've had some negative experiences with people saying unkind and irrational things about my weight and the way I look-as if I haven't been insecure about it the whole time right? (I'm in the recommended weight gain for my body, and I knew she would be a bigger baby because of how Cristian and I both were). One lady at a furniture told me I looked like a whale (literally) and she couldn't believe how big I looked at 8 months (literally). I look at myself as being healthy and lucky. All the weight has been on my stomach. I have no back fat, butt fat, leg fat, face or arm fat and I'm happy with that. I've kept up with at least SOME kind of exercise on a daily basis ( whether that be actually getting out of bed and going to water aerobics, or going on a walk around town, or simply going up and down the stairs a few times) When I don't respond to these comments the next thing I hear is "But don't worry, I'm sure all of it will come off quickly"-like they secretly think I'm going to have a hard time with that. Or like because THEY never lost theirs, I'm not going to lose mine. I hate being lumped in a crowd of a certain type of people. And I don't appreciate the undermining and false sincerity about things.
Kinda sick of the negative vibes-I wonder if anyone else experienced this- so mostly I'm trying to ignore all of it and keep the attitude I have about it. I've made some flexible plans with how to work out certain things with the changes coming up in my family's life.
Sure, things will be hard. VERY hard sometimes.
But I guess I know it will be worth it and that's what I'm trying to focus on.
And I want to be a happy, excited, and healthy mother and wife for my family.
So that's my goal.
Time for class!
PS- just realized that I never posted about the "hallucinations". Next time.
It's all winding down so quickly. I can't believe how fast everything has happened and how close we are. My pregnancy has been a breeze and it has flown by quickly. It could be because in the middle of all of this I was planning our wedding, we were working out where to live and gunning for jobs for Cristian. May have sped up the process with all those things going on in the middle of this chaos. I feel ready for her to be here.
It's funny.
I say that to people and all of them say "Well, you say that now but after about a week you'll wish she was back in your womb". I've been told numerous times that the "real" work will begin once she's here and I'm expecting things to change a lot. I'm expecting exhaustion and frustration. I expect to feel inadequate, as a wife and mother, as I try and get into a routine of things and get used to her-and find ways to make Cristian a part of the process. But mostly I'm just expecting myself to feel accomplished for making it through my pregnancy (and delivering a live human child), and happy to have my little girl to start a life with. She's going to be beautiful.
My pregnancy has been haunted with everyone's horror stories about what happened with their process and what happened with their labor and delivery, and all the things they-for some reason- feel a need to warn me about. Endless people have told me myths and do's and don'ts so ridiculous it would blow anyone's mind. It's like people have felt a need to scare me about everything. I've had some negative experiences with people saying unkind and irrational things about my weight and the way I look-as if I haven't been insecure about it the whole time right? (I'm in the recommended weight gain for my body, and I knew she would be a bigger baby because of how Cristian and I both were). One lady at a furniture told me I looked like a whale (literally) and she couldn't believe how big I looked at 8 months (literally). I look at myself as being healthy and lucky. All the weight has been on my stomach. I have no back fat, butt fat, leg fat, face or arm fat and I'm happy with that. I've kept up with at least SOME kind of exercise on a daily basis ( whether that be actually getting out of bed and going to water aerobics, or going on a walk around town, or simply going up and down the stairs a few times) When I don't respond to these comments the next thing I hear is "But don't worry, I'm sure all of it will come off quickly"-like they secretly think I'm going to have a hard time with that. Or like because THEY never lost theirs, I'm not going to lose mine. I hate being lumped in a crowd of a certain type of people. And I don't appreciate the undermining and false sincerity about things.
Kinda sick of the negative vibes-I wonder if anyone else experienced this- so mostly I'm trying to ignore all of it and keep the attitude I have about it. I've made some flexible plans with how to work out certain things with the changes coming up in my family's life.
Sure, things will be hard. VERY hard sometimes.
But I guess I know it will be worth it and that's what I'm trying to focus on.
And I want to be a happy, excited, and healthy mother and wife for my family.
So that's my goal.
Time for class!
PS- just realized that I never posted about the "hallucinations". Next time.
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