So Violet is 7 days old, and I'm baffled about where the last 7 days went. I mean seriously... a week has gone by? It feels like I was just in the hospital meeting her for the first time yesterday. This week has obviously been a challenge. She's a tricky little girl, and with her jaundice it's big a challenge to get on a schedule with her. She's extremely sleepy and very hard to wake up to feed. And I feel mean when I've got to wake her from her coma slumber. It's good for her though, that's what I keep saying.
She does this thing where, when I'm changing her diaper, she pees all over her mom. She doesn't do it with Cristian. Just me. Not sure why it happens but she could pee all over me all day long and I wouldn't love her any less, or want to spend any less time with her. She's my world. And I've never felt so needed in my entire life. The last 9 months (10) I've had a hard time trying to find purpose with what I was doing with my life. I mean, I was pregnant, got married in a whirlwind of time (because it was right) and since then hadn't had much to do except sit around and wait. And be frustrated. And wait some more. And deal with the discomfort. And wait some more. With her here, I can honestly say I'm the happiest I've been in awhile.
Sure it's hard. And with the chemical changes going on with my body, and the recovery part of things I've more then once burst into hysterics for no reason. The other day I was in the mall at Motherhood trying on nursing things and for whatever reason I started to feel overwhelmed and broke down in the changing room. Cristian's being so good to me. He hates it when I cry and likes even less when I simply can't explain to him WHY I'm crying. He's been incredibly patient and is so good with Violet.
We're working on it. And I know things will get better for me as I continue to recover.
Yesterday we went down to the big city with my parents and aunt and uncle. I was worried that we would be an annoyance on the little trip with diaper changes and sporadic feeding times and while there was some of that, it was the right thing to do. Get out, walk around, enjoy some sunshine, spend time with my relatives. It was good. And something we'll continue to do.
Tomorrow I'm going on a walk with Cristian's mom and Violet. She needs to see her some more since the last time they all came over I threw a new mom fit. Sighs.
Last night Cristian was the only one to get some real sleep. So today I'm spending time with her out at my parents ( going to hand her over for a few hours) while I catch up on some sleep and do some other things ( like update this blog).
She's beautiful.
I can't get over it.
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